Striptease ::On Hiatus till Further Notice::
by Sorcha Cullen
Summary: After that fateful 18th birthday of Bella's, Edward decided it was best to leave Bella. She needed to live a "normal" human life. Though, he never imagined where she would be a year later. With every action comes a reaction.
1. Prologue

**A/N:** This story came out of me on a whim one night when I was tired and had been inspired to write. I hope you enjoy it as much as I love writing it, because believe me, I LOVE WRITING IT! It mainly started as a little experiment to get my mind rolling again after a 3 year hiatus from writing, and I'm already working on chapter 2! With much love to my friends who keep me going, the music that inspires me, and Stephenie Meyer for coming up with these amazing characters that I love playing with, I present to you Striptease!!

As we ALL know, Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight! I just own my crazy imagination that tends to put her characters in new situations!

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Alright! This is my Prologue! Slight warning: I'm going a little OOC with the characters here, but it's only because I want a little more depth. That's all the justification you get!

Thank you to my WONDERFUL beta, and friend, xrxdanixrx. Without you this would not be possible!!! I LOVE YOU!

Go check out her a-MA-zing AH fic "Here We Go Again". It always makes me happy!

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What if I had never left Bella?

What if I'd caved into my true feelings because I couldn't stand to see her perfect, angelic face screwed up in the pain that my words--no--my lies had caused?

The answer: I would be a happy man. I wouldn't have been consumed by my grief and self-hatred that caused me to shut off my own family. It was as if someone had died. It certainly felt like it had, only instead of someone, it was something:

My heart.

Though it was non-existent, it didn't prevent the pain I felt from committing such a high form of blasphemy. For years I'd argued with Carlisle whether vampires have a soul or not, my argument being the latter. But now I'm starting to see his side because I can't believe that any creature without a soul could ever feel this level of pain: remorse.

I deserved it tenfold.

For the first six months, I was a complete recluse. I ran away from everything: my family, Forks, my beloved, and civilization itself. I couldn't bring myself to make my family deal with my depression. Nothing worked, not that I should ever get off that easily. So, I went to find my family living in Denali, Alaska with our "extended family". Though I didn't want to deal with Tanya and her crude advances toward me, it was certainly worth seeing the relief on my parent's faces when they saw me walk in. But I was still broken. I hardly hunted, if at all, and Emmett's taunts to get me to wrestle did nothing for me like they once would have. Even Tanya gave up after a while, which was a relief.

Six more months passed, a year since that day. I'd specifically asked Alice to not look for Bella's future, but bless her, sometimes she couldn't help herself. She loves Bella almost as much as I. Thankfully she kept it to herself, concentrating on other things.

So it was a complete shock when she came bursting into my room looking like she was having a heart attack. She'd seen something and was torn between telling me, and not.

"Go away, Alice..." I said. My voice was a stranger to me.

"Oh Edward, I didn't mean to I promise! But I can't keep this one away and it's only a matter of time before you saw it anyway and -"

"What is it then?" I didn't really want to hear it. For all I knew, Bella had done what I had meant for her to and moved on, living a normal life.

Then I saw it.

It was as if someone had punched me in the stomach. Bella, _my_ Bella was being thrown around and beaten. From Alice's point of view I couldn't tell who her assailant was but it didn't matter. I had to do something.

Didn't I?

Alice looked at me for a second. "No. We can't Edward, we left her! No, you _made_ us leave her!" She was on me then, throwing punches left and right, and I took them. Soon she broke down and began crying in my arms.

"I can't believe you made us leave. I hate you Edward!" And I was alone then, to wallow in what I'd done, what I'd just seen.

What could I do? I couldn't just waltz back into her life after what I'd done to her, though I wished for it with every fiber of my being. At the time I'd felt what I did was the right thing to do. We were too dangerous for her, especially since her scent was so inviting. Poor Jasper, he never stood a chance on her 18th birthday. What I wouldn't give just to go back in time and replay that moment. Surely there had to be a different way to protect her.

But that was in the past now. As Carlisle told me many times, _"It doesn't do any good to dwell on the past, there's nothing you can change. All you can do now is go forward and make the best with what you have and will get in the future."_

Maybe what Alice saw was a fluke. She hadn't been "seeing" well lately anyway.

_Would you really bet against Alice?_

No.

_Then why are you now?_

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**A/N: **Whatcha think, bb's? Let me know by pressing that little button below that says REVIEW!!! I'll bake you cookies!! (Who doesn't love a little shameless bribing? lmao)


	2. As If He Never Existed

**A/N:** Ahh now the story begins. This chapter was a joy to write, albeit a little complicated. But that's what I enjoy.

Thank you to my amazing friend and Beta xrxdanixrx!!! Love you hun!!

Stephenie Meyer owns all. I can only hope that my fic lives up to the standard!!!

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"Hey darlin'."

I looked up to see Pete's tall, well built frame leaning up against the door with his shoulder length dark brown hair pulled back into a loose pony-tail. He was dressed in his nice jeans, with a layered green t-shirt that contrasted well with his creamy russet brown skin, and converse. He was looking worried. Probably about me. He always worries about me, ever since I first met him at the Laundromat.

_I was at the back of the Laundromat putting in my last load of laundry. How Mike had so much laundry I didn't know. Not like I really cared. Not like I could really do anything about it either. _

_I stood there trying to hold back the tears. _

_I had been so happy over a year ago, how had my life gone so wrong?_

_Oh, that's why. _

**He**_ left me. _

_I tried not to think too much about that so I pushed it back into the closet of my mind. Not like my life got any better after that, though I'd tried. But now, I'm just trying to survive living in Seattle. _

_I started the wash and watched it go around for a few minutes trying not to think of anything, but then some of the colors started forming into two dots of topaz._

_**Ugh**__._

_Wrenching myself away I sat down, wincing as I did so. Lifting up my shirt slightly to look at my right ribcage, I cringed at the deep bruise starting to form there. I shook my head._

_**That'll be there for a while**__._

_"Scuse me, Miss, but I couldn't help but notice that bruise…" The voice trailed off as I looked up into the face of a man about fifteen years older than me, hastily pulling my shirt down. _

_"It's nothing really...I fell into my vanity this morning…" Lying became easy after a while._

_He looked at me for a few moments, probably trying to decide if I was telling the truth or not. I tried to put a smile on my face, but I think it came out as more of a grimace. He sighed and sat down next to me._

_"My name's Pete. Pete Dennison. I own the strip club down the street, Déjà Vu." I must have given him a look of disgust because he hastily followed with, "Now, I know what you must be thinking, that I'm a sleazy douche trying to get into your pants, but I can assure you, I'm not. I'm a happily married man." _

_He flashed his wedding band. "In fact, she co-owns the club with me." He laughed while I frowned. What this guy for real? He looked trustworthy, but I remembered what happened the last time I thought that about somebody. I cringed, oh yeah, that happened twice and I was still stuck with one. _

I thought that you deserved it.

I do, doesn't mean I have to enjoy it. I don't deserve happiness.

_He continued, bringing me out of my thoughts. __"I just own the club cause my brother gave it to me. Brings in good money." He smiled, and it was warm. I just nodded, not sure what to say. "Where you from?"_

_"Originally Forks, but I moved here with my boyfriend a couple months ago. I'm looking for a job." Ugh, word vomit with a complete stranger. I shifted in my seat so that I wasn't putting pressure on the bruises on my back._

_"You're not in school?" He looked truly concerned, which was shocking. It'd been a while since anyone had been concerned._

_"No, I waited too long to apply, and I didn't have the money anyway." I shrugged, "I can always go later I guess."_

_He frowned, thinking for a few moments. I looked down at my hands in my lap and sighed. They were looking thin, being poor was taking its toll._

"It'll be ok,"_ I tried to reassure myself. I looked at the clock, it was twelve-thirty and Mike would be getting home in a few hours from work. _

_"Look, why don't you come work at the club. And I know what you're thinking, 'if I take this, I'll be stuck there forever.' But, I want to help you. Take this job and I'll help you get into school." He paused for a second looking me over. "And I wanna help you get away from whatever caused you that," he said, pointing at where the bruise was._

_**Heh, Mike would love**__**this.**__ I cringed at the thought. _

_Why not? It was a job. Better than staying at home, the hours were sure to be long. _

_"Sure, why not?"_

"Hey Pete, what's up?" I shivered at the light breeze that blew through the back alley. The weather was close to changing into fall, and it had just stopped raining. I pulled my too big sweater around my body.

"Hey, what the hell happened to your eye, Bell? If he laid another hand on you I swe-"

"I'll be fine Pete… don't worry." I shrugged. "A little make-up will cover it. I'll have Kris help me out." I so didn't need to get into this, today; I just wanted to get in there and get ready for work. Put real life on the back burner. I was good at that. But Pete, being the Guardian Angel he is, wouldn't let it go. He was like the big brother I never had. He reminded me of… no; don't need to go there.

"No, Bell, why haven't you left that son of a bitch? He's done you more harm than good. In the three months I've known you, you've been in the hospital five times. And don't tell me you're clumsy! I _know_ you're clumsy, but not _that_ clumsy, Bella. Be serious! And look at you, your clothes barely fit anymore…" His words started running together. I didn't want to hear them. I knew I was deteriorating, but I couldn't seem to snap out of it. I felt I deserved this hell. If I wasn't good enough for _them_, I wasn't good enough period.

I started walking into the club when he stopped me. "Are you even listening?" He'd stopped yelling. "Bell, are you using?"

That question stopped me short, and I turned to look into his brown eyes. "Pete, you know I'm not like that…"

_Liar._

_He doesn't need to know that. No one needed to know. _

He grabbed my arm as I averted my eyes. "Bella, I'm serious. Drugs don't solve your problems."

They did in my case. No one had delusions like I did, not to mention the nightmares that had me waking up in a sweat at night.

"I'm fine, Pete." I shrugged him off and walked into the club, letting the scents of perfume and incense wash over me. I was thankful that the club only opened at night, it took my mind off other things I didn't want to think about.

I walked through the backstage area to the dressing rooms to find Kris, Pete's wife, hanging up the lingerie for the night. Her waist length black hair and bangs contrasting with her pale skin made her look like she practiced the occult, but I knew well that she didn't. She was a few inches taller than me and thin. I thought she was pretty. Kris, like Pete, is my second guardian angel. I knew that I could go to either of them for anything, should I need it. More often than not they would try to get me to stay in their guest bedroom to get away from home, but why would I need to when I had a perfectly good place to live already?

She looked up at me from the pile of skimpy clothing and smiled. "Hey Bella, you're here early."

"Yeah, I-I just needed to get out is all… I didn't have anything to do." I looked down and heaved a sigh. I wasn't hiding anything today. I could tell that much.

"C'mere, sweetie. Everything'll be ok. I promise you that much." She opened her arms and I walked into them, feeling her hold me tightly. I sniffed trying to hold back the tears.

"Sweetheart you need to start eating more, look at you." She pushed me away to examine my frame. I knew what she saw. I barely ate anymore; I just wasn't hungry most of the time. At least I didn't look like a skeleton.

_Yet._

"I know, Kris, I know… I'll grab a burger or something after work." She didn't believe me. The truth was every time I ate it would just make me remember lunchtime in high school watching the Cullen's barely touching their food. It made me-

_I thought they were just a dream, that they were never real._

_You're right, what was I thinking?_

I sat my stuff down and pulled out my makeup case from my station while looking at myself in the mirror.

_Yeesh_.

I looked like a…no. I wasn't pale enough. Ugh, I needed to reign in my subconscious. If I didn't, I'd start imagining them again and god knows what else. I waited till Kris left the room to go to the bathroom. I didn't need Kris finding out too.

After I got my nail file and a five dollar bill out of my purse, I went into one of the stalls and locked the door while pulling a zip lock bag out of my pocket. I poured some of the powder out on the back of the toilet and used my nail file to push it into a line. After I rolled the five up I bent down and snorted it, and started coughing. I could already feel it starting to work; I had to stand a minute to adjust. I took my carmex out of my pocket and squeezed a little on my finger to moisten the inside of my nose.

"Bella? You ok in there?" I heard the door crack open a bit.

_Fuck._

I hastily flushed the toilet and stashed my stuff back in my pocket. "Yeah, Kris. I'm fine. I'll be right out; I need your assistance with my make-up tonight. I'm sure you noticed." Who wouldn't?

"Yeah, hun, I didn't want to say anything though. Hurry out." I heard the door close, mentally preparing myself by taking a deep breathbefore walking out into the dressing room.

A couple girls had arrived and I quickly said hi, and then sat down at my station. I took out my makeup just as Kris walked up with my outfit. "Blue tonight, huh?" Just what I needed, something to remind me of _him_. Today just wasn't working out well. Maybe I was starting to become numb to the drugs, which was a bad sign.

_You're over-thinking. Just chill out!_

_You're right._

"It looks good on you. Now, hand me your concealer and cover-up. I'm gonna make that go away." It took a good ten minutes and then I was able to get into my costume and finish my make-up and hair.

_Wow, not half bad, Swan. Maybe enough to get some compliments tonight._

I smirked in-to the mirror at my reflection, gaining what little confidence I had, and walked out just as Kris said, "Bella gets the center pole tonight girls; Pete's orders."

I heard groans, but not like they could do anything about it. I knew I was starting to climb up the ladder to becoming a featured dancer, but I had no idea how far up I'd gotten.

I snorted. If only Charlie could see me now. He'd kill me. Though, it wasn't like we were buddies anymore, as we'd had a falling out after I realized I'd been dreaming for almost six months. He thought I was insane. Though, I didn't blame him. I guess I'd made the Cullen's up to make Forks more interesting to me. It was either that, or be bored out of my mind living there. Of course it ended up biting me in the ass anyway.

_Right and you're also a descendant of Cleopatra._

_Whose side are you on?_

_Your subconscious doesn't pick sides._

I shook my head; I'd fall off the pole if I wasn't focused. The music was already pumping as I walked over to the middle pole in the center of the room. The room was like a large rectangle. It had a stage with poles along it on the long side: four poles on platforms, 2 on each side, and the center pole for the nights featured dancer. The room itself was painted black with bright pink and purple curtains hung every couple feet along to hide the private rooms. Chandeliers dangled from the ceiling and neon strips of multicolored lights lined the seams of the walls and along the platforms and stage.

I walked up to my pole with a little more confidence than usual to start warming up before the customers started coming in. Pete caught my eye. He winked and mouthed, "Do me proud."

I smiled back. I would do my best.

_This night had better be good._

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**A/N:** Alright, please review!!! I love hearing from you, it really keeps me writing!!!!


	3. Shock Treatment

**A/N:** Whew! This took me a while to knock out, the ending just never felt right! I'm sorry for the delay, but it's only in your best interests! I don't want to give you something I'm not happy with!! I enjoyed writing this chapter very much; it definitely has its moments.

A quick shout out to my amazing friend and beta xrxdanixrx! Without her this fic would be nothing!! Go check out her two AMAZING fics, "Here We Go Again" and "Hate Me". You will not be let down!

As per usual, Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. I just borrow Edward once in a while to tickle torture him. Eheheheheh..

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I sighed as I packed the last few possessions into boxes, hoping to get this done as fast as possible.

I hated moving.

Not that I wasn't grateful to Esme for coming up with the idea to move closer to Seattle to give the Denali's their home back. I just wished I could stay in one place. Oh, how I wished I could be human once again.

_"Knock it off, Edward, you've moped around long enough and we're sick of it. Don't think you're the only one who misses Bella. Now, hurry the fuck up and load the boxes on the truck. Em and I are taking you out tonight."_

I groaned.

Jazz knew I didn't want to go anywhere. I was perfectly content with my own personal hell that I had created for myself. Fuck, the last thing I wanted to do was be around humans, they reminded me too much of Bella. It also meant I'd have to hunt. Just thinking about the blood made me collapse in a heap on my floor against my wall, heaving with tearless sobs. How ironic it was that the one thing that defines and sustains me became the one thing that ruined my life?

I never blamed Jasper for what happened. He couldn't help himself, having been the newest vampire to join our lifestyle.

I sobbed.

_Fuck my existence._

The fact that _I___very nearly took her then, after I'd realized how much blood had been spilled, on my account no less, sickened me. It went against everything I'd established in my long existence with my family and my thoughts on keeping her human.

_I nearly killed her._

A knock on the door brought me out of my gruesome reverie.

"All _right _Jazz, I said I'll be right down!" I spat, wishing the floor could just open up and swallow me whole.

"It's me, Edward."

Tanya.

Just my fucking luck. I didn't need her to see me like this; it just seemed to fuel her fire to get me in bed. Or maybe she just liked to annoy the shit out of me.

"What is it, Tanya?" I got up; trying to look semi-emotionally stable, but one look from her as she walked in with her eyes wide told me I wasn't fooling anyone.

She walked over to me and wrapped her arms around my waist, while I tried in vain, to push her away.

"I can't say good-bye to my cousin?" she purred.

I didn't want to deal with this shit. I pulled away.

"Good-bye, Tanya. Thank you for your hospitality," I replied bitterly.

I turned to grab a few boxes to take down stairs, when I felt her hands run down my sides grazing by my groin, while moaning. It was disgusting.

"No good-bye kiss?" she asked, almost whining as she grazed back up my sides closer to my groin. I flinched. There was only one woman who I would ever allow to do that to me, and I'd be damned if Tanya thought she could take her place.

"Knock it the fuck off, Tanya. You know my feelings on that subject." I ghosted to the door in a hurry to get out. Though, not before she got in a good squeeze.

Damn it all to hell.

"Now, now, Eddie," she said, her tone taking a mock authoritative edge. "That's no way to talk to your cousin who went to all that trouble of housing you."

"If you think it's polite to continually come on to Edward when he's obviously spoken for, you've got another thing coming, dear cousin," Alice growled as she walked in.

I was shocked, Alice hated me. But as shocked as I felt, it couldn't prevent the sting her words created, which caused me to wince away. "Alice, how can you say that?"

Her face fell into an apologetic pout, which only made me feel worse. "I'm so sorry, Edward, I just meant that you're still grieving and that your heart is spoken for, even though you…" she trailed off, fighting back the sobs. She couldn't decide if she wanted to hug me or rip me apart.

"I can make your pain go away, Eddie," Tanya purred seductively, running a hand across my shoulders.

Both Alice and I snarled at her. I was quite done here; so ready to be rid of Tanya's added stress.

Tanya stiffened and then stuck her nose in the air, sniffing in anger. "Well you know where to find me should you need some _relaxation_," she spat, walking out. I glared at her as she left...

"What a bitch. The woman can never take a hint," Alice said quite vexed, her eyes darting around the room.

It took me only a second to realize Alice was translating "Gone with the Wind" from English to French in her mind. That could only mean one thing.

She was hiding something.

"Alice, what have you seen?" It startled her so much she jumped two feet in the air, which wasn't normal for her. You _never_ startled Alice.

"Oh, nothing, Edward. I'm just trying to keep myself from seeing _anything_ in the future, just like you asked." She gave me one last look filled with complete sadness before she turned and ghosted from my room. I hated when she acted like that.

I sighed. I'll find out eventually, I always do.

_It can't be good._

***

After everything was packed and ready to go, which took longer than it should have, we began saying our good-byes to the Denali's. Finally, it was time to leave.

As I was about to get into my Volvo, Jazz walked up to me with a smirk on his face. "Hey, Edward, let's take your Vanquish tonight."

"Why?"

_What difference would it make?_

Upon further inspection, I noticed his thoughts were guarded as well.

_What did they know that I didn't?_

It was infuriating.

His expression changed to one of sadness mixed with pleading. "Just trust me, ok? It's time you joined the land of the living, dude." His smirk returned. "Besides, the Vanquish is the fastest car we have."

I snorted at his joke and rolled my eyes. I might as well go along with it. It had been a while since I'd seen Jazz smile. "Fine, but I have to hunt first."

***

Once we were on the road, I let Jasper take the wheel since he was the fastest driver, besides me. I stared out of the window, watching the trees whiz by in a white-green blur from the recent snowfall. I was anxious to get to Seattle, but I couldn't really find a reason behind that feeling. I guess if I was being true to myself, it would be because I was moving closer to Forks. I doubted she was still there, probably off to college somewhere. It was probably for the best. No, I knew it was for the best. We were too dangerous for her. It didn't help the fact that she was my soul, the very reason for my existence. And I loved her. My heart clenched at the thought of never seeing her again, but I was justified by the thought that she was safe and living the normal life she was meant to.

That didn't stop the thoughts from slicing through my heart.

_"You're not good for me, Bella."_

The second I had said those words, I died again. Why couldn't she just see through my blatant lies? Why, after six months of my prior confessions of my undying love for her, she believed the lie? After only saying it once?

Just then, a wave of happiness burst through me, intruding on my self-loathing. I sighed, wishing I could truly be happy, but knowing it was almost as possible as me becoming human again.

_Fuck my existence._

"Fuck, Edward! Perk up, dude, I can't handle it right now!" Jazz yelled at me, shocking me back to the present while glaring in the back seat at Emmett.

Jasper's thought were becoming agitated, it seemed he was trying to keep me out, yet again.

I frowned at him. "What can't you handle?"

His knuckles strained on the steering wheel. "Your fucking pity party over there! We've been through this before. You act like you're the only one who's lost someone here. She was our sister! Don't you think I feel just as bad, if not worse? It's my fucking fault in the first place! I understand she was your mate, I do. You belonged together. But you can't keep beating yourself up over it. It's in the past, dude, been a year now. Yes, we miss her, that's a given, but you can't let it keep you from living.

He let out a gust of air and quirked an eyebrow at me that meant "grow a pair and suck it up". I wanted nothing more than to just rip his face off, but I couldn't. He was right.

"I'm sorry, Jazz. Sometimes it just gets to be too much." I sighed in defeat.

He nodded in agreement.

Sensing my attempt to change my mood, which wasn't easy, he lightened up. "I know, believe me. I just can't handle such strong polar emotions in full force at once either."

That, I didn't understand. "What are you…?"

But instead of finishing my sentence, I opened my mind, which isn't something I had done in about a year. Emmett started buzzing with excitement, but I couldn't quite catch an entire thought; something about a promise from Rose and a strip club. I grimaced; I didn't want to know what _that _entailed, but there was something about the club that caught my interest through his mind.

"Emmett, why are thinking about a strip club? Rose would kill you." He looked up at me in a mixture of panic and mirth and laughed.

"No, _I'm_ going to kill him in just a few minutes if he can't get his shit together. Dumbass," Jasper spat.

It was as if the world shifted and all the puzzle pieces came together. They _were_ hiding something from me and Alice was in on it. How could she not when she can see the future? There, in two minds, was their idea of the perfect guy's night out.

I growled. "No way in hell, Jazz! Why would you think I would go to a strip club?"

"Because you've done nothing but mope around for a year and we're putting our foot down! For our family's sake, and also for yours too, bro." Emmett interjected from behind me. "Besides, it's about time you take a load off. Get it?_ Load_?" He broke into a fit of raucous laughter that shook the car.

Jazz and I rolled out eyes.

"He's right. Think of Esme and how hurt she was because you forced her to leave Bella behind, especially when she had already considered her a daughter. She was even _more_ hurt that you shut off everyone for the last year. We're worried about you, man. You need a night out."

"Yeah but, why a strip club? You guys are married!" I was appalled.

Emmett guffawed loudly. "It was Rose's idea in the first place, and Alice loved the idea. She planned a sister's night out as well. Mom and Dad were up for anything that got your sullen ass out of the house and among other people."

I couldn't believe it. They'd conspired against me. Each and every one of them. I glowered at the highway, incensed.

They would pay for this.

***

During the rest of the drive to Seattle, none of us spoke, at least not out loud. I did my best to tune them out. We were too keyed up about tonight's outing. I was still slightly annoyed at them, but had calmed down a bit after my rational mind went over the conversation. Jazz was right. I felt like a total prick. I'd made them live with my shit for the better part of a year while they were dealing with their own pain from the loss of Bella. And to top it all off, I'd shut myself off from them in my depression, which hurt them even more.

I was a disgusting excuse for a brother and son.

_You've got that right. You owe them this._

Yeah, I know.

_There isn't any harm in going out tonight. _

That much I'd already realized. I wouldn't enjoy the club itself, but I would enjoy being out with my two brothers. It had been too long since we had done something together and if their wives told them to go to a strip club, why would they refuse? They were normal minded men. I, on the other hand, was old fashioned and it seemed I was stuck that way. I couldn't understand how Jasper had been able to flow with the times better than me, having been born in the 1800's, though it wasn't like I hadn't tried.

It's not that I didn't enjoy the body of a woman; on the contrary, there was nothing better. I just believed that the sight was a sacred thing to be shared with the one you truly loved and wished to share your life with. There was only one woman in the world I would delight in sharing that with.

_Bella._

I sighed and started to take in the familiar surroundings of the Puget Sound area. We were almost there. I'd need to hunt again before we were within the city limits of Seattle; I hadn't been around humans in quite some time.

As if he could read my mind, Jazz asked, "Do you want to stop here and get some refreshments?"

I snorted. "Yeah, I'm going to need it. Now I know how you must feel sometimes." I shook my head in wonderment.

He nodded and pulled over to the side of the road near the trees.

"Hey, guys, I'm just gonna stay behind and watch the car," Emmett said with a mischievous look in his eyes. I opened my mind only to find him thinking thoughts about Rose, which I never wanted to see.

"Emmett, I swear upon all that is holy, if you do that in my Vanquish I'll murder you!" I couldn't believe he had the nerve to think that in _my_ car, my pride and joy, second only to the woman who owned my heart.

He jumped, not realizing I'd read his mind. "Aw damn, Edward. Always gotta spoil the fun."

"Not. In. My. Fucking. Car!" I enunciated so loud, the windows almost broke. I got out of the car glaring at the back seat where Emmett was.

Finally having some self preservation, he got out and ran into the trees, grumbling.

"Was he seriously thinking that, Edward?" Jazz asked as we started running into the trees looking for wildlife.

"Yeah, I couldn't believe it. If it were my Volvo, I would have cared less."

Just then, I caught a whiff of a pair of Mountain Lions nearby and ran after them, taking them down in one full swoop. I knew I'd need both lions to keep me from going insane in the club with all the hormones going.

_"I found a few deer over here; I'll let you have the lions. Take your time, Edward."_

I mentally thanked Jasper and drank the hot liquid slowly, letting it fill me up. It was going to be a long night, I could tell that much. The last thing I needed was a slip in my control.

It was nice being back near Seattle. I'd missed the greenery and the wildlife. Maybe I could re-trace my tracks back to Forks for a day and see what had changed in a year.

_Why are you lying to yourself? You know you'd only go there for one thing._

Shut up.

_Denial. You're full of it._

Just then, I heard rustling behind me as I drank the last drop from the second lion. Jasper stepped into my vision. "You ready?"

I got up and dusted myself off. "Yeah, let's go."

As we walked back, Jazz patted my shoulder comfortingly. _"Everything's going to be ok. Trust me, Alice told me. Nothing to worry about tonight, I won't let you do anything you'll regret."_

"Thank you, Jasper, I appreciate it." I tried to smile, but it felt like more of a grimace. I sighed.

He gave me a squeeze on my shoulder before getting into the car. I noticed Emmett wasn't back yet. I groaned and got in the car. "Emmett's not back yet, the dumbass. At least my car isn't desecrated."

"Hey, I heard that," Emmett snapped as he got in the car.

"Speak of the devil and he doth appear." Jasper chuckled as we sped south on the five, entering the city limits of our destination. It was just beginning to get dark; the night-crawlers would be out on the streets soon.

_Almost time for the vampires to prowl._

I snorted. How ridiculous.

"What's so funny?" Emmett asked. He hated being left out of a joke, personal or not.

"Nothing, Em. Just thinking, is all," I replied, hoping he'd drop it.

"Oh," was all he said.

_There _is_ a god._

"Guys, we're almost there. Prepare yourselves," Jazz said, glancing at me slightly.

All of a sudden, the car felt like it had been "tricked out"; the car was bouncing up and down in the back from Emmett's excitement. I rolled my eyes.

"Get a grip, Emmett. It's not like Rose hasn't done these things for you before," I grumbled.

"Yeah, but it's been a while since she's let me go to one!" He exclaimed. He sounded like a five-year-old that had rarely been to Chuck E. Cheese.

"Chill out for fuck's sake, Emmett!" Jasper commanded. I loved it when his military habits would kick in.

We pulled up in front of the club, its bright flashing lights penetrating the dark tint on the car. The name "Déjà Vu" was plastered across the front in large curly letters and silhouettes of naked girls were in the tinted windows. The advertisement said, "Where all your happy endings keep coming true." The triple entendre was laughable. I looked at my brothers and shrugged, stepping out into the chill air.

"Ooh boy, look! Two lap dances for forty dollars!!" Jasper eyed me mischievously, finally showing his excitement for the night.

"Don't you get any ideas, Jazz," I said through gritted teeth. It was bad enough I had to endure this; I didn't want to experience any pre-nuptial sexual acts in the process.

As we were walking in, I noticed the "entertainment" didn't start till eight. We had a half hour to kill.

_Fantastic._

"Hey, guys, do you smell that?" Emmett asked.

I smelled around and, all of a sudden, a familiar scent lightly hit my nose.

_Freesias. _

I snorted. "Em, have you noticed the array of incense burning in here? It's a coincidence."

"He's right, Em. Go find us some good seats," Jazz ordered.

Emmett frowned at him and then brightened, running off to get us seats.

I groaned.

"It's going to be ok, Edward. I told you. Alice would have seen if you did something you'd regret." Jazz sent a wave of calmness to me and I smiled to thank him.

"I guess. Let's go sit down." I walked through the crowd of men and the occasional woman to find Emmett front and center.

Sensing us, he shot up, taking the seat on the left. "Saved you the best seat, bro," he said, beaming clearly proud of himself.

I chuckled. "Thanks, Em." I inwardly rolled my eyes as I sat down in front of the center pole. This was going to be awkward. Another burst of calm shot through me as Jasper sat on my right. I relaxed into it, grateful that I had him here with me.

Suddenly, a booming voice came over the PA system. "Allll-right, gentlemen, and ladies, welcome to Déjà Vu! The place where all your happy endings keep coming true!" The music started up as he kept speaking. "Let me introduce tonight's lovely dancers for you! Cherry Bomb!" A tall, voluptuous woman with huge, wavy red hair, wearing thin straps of glittery black cloth, sauntered out to her pole and started gyrating.

"Coco Chanel!!" A smaller, but curvy, black girl with big hair and a yellow bikini followed the first girl out.

"Katana!!" A tiny and well built Asian girl came out next wearing a slutty red kimono that only came to her hips and barely covered anything.

"Kitty!!" A tall, tanned, blonde walked out next in a purple strappy outfit.

"And last, but most certainly not the least, our featured dancer for the evening, Venom!" At that, a porcelain-skinned, bone-thin brunette sauntered out wearing a glittery blue outfit that left nothing to the imagination.

As she turned to traipse towards the center pole, I froze, sensing Jasper and Emmett doing the same and echoing my thoughts.

_It couldn't be._

_"Freesias," _Emmett thought.

_"It's not possible, she wouldn't…" _Jasper trailed off, horrorstruck.

There was no doubting it, the scent she put off was unmistakable.

_Bella._

My heart burst at the thought.

_What on Earth was she doing here? _

As she reached the center pole, her eyes flickered up to meet mine, hers un-focusing. When they refocused, she gave herself a slight shake and swung onto the pole.

Had she recognized us?

I couldn't move, still frozen in shock at the fact that Isabella Marie Swan was a stripper. I watched her too-thin frame move around the pole in a sickened fascination. Gone was the pure, innocent angel I had left behind and in her place was a woman dancing for sick-minded perverts. It made me sick to my stomach.

Her eyes flickered back to mine for a split second, but it felt like an eternity, because in that stare held everything I based my existence on and I couldn't decipher it.

I felt like I didn't exist.

* * *

**A/N:** Alright! Tell me what you think! Getting started on Ch 3 as we speak. Hopefully I have an easier time with it! Please review!!! Love you all!


	4. Enjoy This, Cullen

**A/N:**

Well this took longer than i'd planned. haha.. mostly a miscommunication with my first pre-reader :( but I digress.

Here's Ch 3!! I greatly enjoy this one. i'm warning you now, though, it's a doozy.

**Special thanks to:**

my amazing vBeta angelicwish!!

My most amazing, quirky and talented beta xrxdanixrx! without her, this fic would be a pile of uncertainty.

My amazing pre-readers: Twizzlers, Symphiann and Jen!

* * *

Waiting backstage was one of the worst times of the day for me. Well, anytime that I had downtime was generally a bad thing. I hated to be alone with my thoughts, it was at those times that my mind would start to wander and I would think back to my senior year in high school. If I were ever granted a do over, that year would be it.

Not only had I gotten caught up in my hallucinations that the Cullens had been real to the point that I had lost touch with real life, I'd also pushed away Charlie. After I'd realized, too little too late, that I'd been living in a dream world, I came out of it sinking to an extreme low. Poor Charlie had been beside himself, he had no idea what was going on. He suggested going to see a psychiatrist, which pissed me off. Ever since then, we hadn't really been on very good speaking terms.

"Allll-right, gentlemen, and ladies. Welcome to Déjà Vu! The place where all your happy endings keep coming true!" Pete spoke over the PA system, bringing me out of my memory.

_Time to get lined up. _

As Pete called out the names of the other girls, I got in one last good stretch. I couldn't let him down since he'd put me on the "feature" pole tonight. I hoped I wouldn't slip off; it would just be my luck.

"And last, but most certainly not the least, our featured dancer for the evening, Venom!" I chuckled at my chosen stage name. It held more meaning than anyone would ever guess. It was just a way to keep my inner demons in check.

Putting on my "fuck-me" face, I sauntered out, moving towards the center pole while watching the floor with my head up, eyes down, focused on the floor so I wouldn't trip in the four inch heels I had on. It took more concentration than it should have. When I finally made it to center stage and hooked my arm around the pole, I raised my focus to the audience, waving my free arm in a sexy motion.

I instantly wished I hadn't looked up. Blinking, I tried to clear my vision, but to no avail. There they sat, as beautiful as ever, haunting me.

The drugs weren't working tonight.

_Damn it._

I guessed that thinking about my past hadn't been a good idea. Giving myself a slight shake, I started writhing against the pole, eye-fucking nothing in particular while trying to ignore the devastatingly beautiful men sitting right in front of me. That struck me as odd. Usually when I imagined them, they would appear more ghost-like, as a part of the background.

After a few minutes, I resigned myself to the fact that this hallucination was going to be here for a while and decided to use it to my advantage. I swung myself around the pole before kicking my legs up to grab it with my ankles, hanging upside-down. This position gave the "look, Ma, no hands" saying a whole new meaning. I snorted when I noticed the Jasper hallucination shift in his chair almost uncomfortably.

_Well, __**that**_ _never happens. They usually enjoy the show._

_Guess my subconscious is changing things up a little._

I ran my hands over my body seductively while upside down, earning cat calls from the usual patrons.

_Well, I guess it's time for article number one. _

_Enjoy __**this**__ Cullen._

I reached behind me and unhooked my top, throwing it straight into the hallucinatory Edward's face, who caught it.

_Wait, what?! Hallucinations can't fucking touch anything!_

_There must be someone actually sitting there in the seat, that'd explain it._

Feeling the blood pulsing in my head to the beat of the music, I leaned up to "cuddle" the pole, pushing off with my feet to twirl around it while sliding down to the floor into a split which elicited even more whistles from the horny crowd. I glanced at Pete who winked at me in encouragement.

_Guess tonight isn't that bad after all. _

_If you don't count the three men sitting in front of you._

_Why would I count what doesn't exist?_

Just then, the song changed to give the dancers on the stage a break for a few minutes. I was thankful because I needed to clear my head. The hallucinations never usually stayed for that long, and I wondered what was causing it to be this strong. I must be going crazy; it was the only answer that made any sense.

Glancing around, I grabbed my jacket, threw it on, and went outside. The chilly air helped to focus on nothing in particular while I pulled out the clear zip-lock containing various uppers from the inner pocket. Usually I didn't depend on the use of drugs during work, but tonight was an exception. If I could just get through the next couple of hours, I'd be ok. I hoped.

Taking out two of the little yellow pills, I quickly downed them, hoping they'd work fast. I heard rustling next to the door behind me and stashed the bag back in my jacket.

"Everything goin' ok, Bella?" It was Pete. I wondered how he could tell.

"Everything's fine, Pete, I just needed some fresh air. It gets hot in there you know." I was hoping he wouldn't push it. But of course, with my luck, nothing went the way I would have liked them to.

"Bella, I know you better than you think I do. You looked sick up there, like you saw a ghost. What happened?"

"Nothing happened. I just thought I saw someone I knew is all." It was as close to the complete truth that I was willing to tell. He didn't need to know the exact details.

He looked at me skeptically for a few moments, probably deciding what to do. I fidgeted under his stare; I always hated it when I was scrutinized. Finally, he seemed to make up his mind.

"Meet me after work tonight by the bar. I'm worried about you, ok? I won't take no for an answer."

Just then, I felt the pills start to kick in, my thoughts becoming clearer.

_Thank God_.

"Sure, Pete." I tried to flash a smile, but it felt weak. I hadn't really smiled in a long time. I knew Pete meant well, but this was just something I couldn't discuss with him. If I did, I'm pretty sure a room with padded walls would be in my immediate future. Something about me hallucinating about my past hallucinations about dating a vampire didn't strike me as something that would go over well.

After we walked back inside, I stood by the heater in the room to warm up before it was time to go back on stage. The music was pounding through the walls and I tried to lose myself in the beat. It was better than my current consciousness, I didn't have to think; I just had to do.

While I was trying to lose myself in nothingness, I didn't notice someone come up to me till they spoke.

"Bella, are you ok?" I turned around to see Katheryn--aka Kitty--look at me with worry in her eyes. She was a sweet girl; I had no idea why she was a stripper. She definitely had the smarts to be the CEO of some top company. I snorted.

_Maybe she was, and she moonlighted as a stripper._

"Yeah, Kate, why do you ask?"

"You just look troubled. You should come out with me tonight after work. It's about time we get to know each other more than work buddies!" She flashed a genuine smile, and I immediately wished I could. I hadn't had a true friend in a long time. I inwardly chuckled; I had never had a real friend.

_What about Angela Webber? There was a time when she wanted to be friends._

I ruined that prospect when I was in my alternate reality. That angered me to no end.

"I wish I could, Kate, but I need to get home." Not like I _wanted_ to go home, but, if I wasn't at home by 12:30 on the dot, I'd be in trouble.

"Aw, Bella, I hear you say that every night to Pete when he wants to help you. Just one drink tonight, I'm goin' to a very low-key place."

Damn it! Just once I wished I could just let loose. I really longed for some girl time. Mike never would allow it.

"Rain check?" Yeah, it was a pretty lame way to get out of it, but what choice did I have?

She pouted, letting out a small whine. "Alright, sure, but don't think I'm letting you off that easily!" She smiled and walked back to her mirror.

"Alright girls, time to get back out there! They're hungry for ya!" Kris hollered over the music.

Sighing, I looked at the clock. Two more hours.

_They'd better not be out there when I go back out. I can't take it tonight._

We lined back up to wait as Pete introduced us as a group one last time. I smiled at Katheryn, hoping she knew how thankful I was for her attempt.

As I walked back out for the last time, I glanced to the front row, noticing the three seats were occupied by different people. I snorted; of course they'd be gone. My mind was on overdrive tonight.

As I started to dance with the pole, I began making eye contact with my fellow dancers and the audience, finally feeling my groove. Seeing the Cullens in front of me earlier really threw me and I hadn't been as comfortable as I usually would be. I scanned the audience for someone to play off of while twirling around to face the pole, placing it between my still bare breasts, sliding down and back up.

It went really well for an hour or so, finally really being able to concentrate on what I was doing. By this time, I'd completely undressed, much to the crowd's enjoyment. Pole dancing had become quite easy for me, and as a result, my body had become quite toned. Sometimes, I'd go over to the Dennison's place and use the mini-gym that they had for an extra work out if I needed it. I liked to know I could throw a good punch if I had to, and then run away.

I remembered when I first started learning to dance, it was embarrassing because my clumsy body couldn't coordinate itself. Janel--aka Coco--had been my teacher and she would walk away in exasperation because I'd almost always fall off the pole or trip over my feet. I almost quit a few times because I just couldn't do it, but Pete and Kim wouldn't let me. After about a month of training, I was finally able to do the basics perfectly. My only hang-ups after that were wearing next to nothing and the shoes. There was no way I could have walked in the four-inch heels they gave me, but in true Dennison fashion, they helped me to work on my clumsiness to where I was almost perfect.

Twirling around the pole a few more times, I caught Janel's eye, and she nodded. It was finally time to leave, though I wasn't sure if the word "finally" was the right one to use. We all slipped off the poles to our feet and slinked backstage to change. We could hear the crowd, whooping and hollering for us to come back, just like every night.

As I changed into my street clothes, Kris came over to give me a hug.

"Pete is waiting, thought I'd remind you." She smiled and went to go pick up the costumes for the wash.

"Thanks, Kris, I'll be right out." Shit, what was I going to say?

_Oh, I just happened to be hallucinating about my ex-boyfriend who happened to be a vampire, but he didn't actually exist because I'd made them up._

No, I had enough problems to deal with. Besides, he probably had something else to ask me.

After I'd packed up, I took a look in the mirror for the first time since before work. I looked like hell. My cheeks were sunken in, and the dark circles around my eyes advertised that I wasn't sleeping well. I was rail thin and the pants I wore hung off my hips. Nothing fit anymore. I was like a skeleton.

As I made my way to the front of the club, I wondered what was in store for me tonight. My life seemed to like surprising me lately. Oh well, I would find out when it was time to.

I found Pete in the seating area, cleaning the chairs with bleach. "Hey, you wanted to see me?"

He stood up, appraising me for a moment before shaking his head in disapproval. "Yeah, sweetheart, follow me."

He led me to his office and shut the door behind me. "Sit down, Bell," he ordered, grabbing a bottle of water out of his cabinet and handing it to me along with a small cup filled with various pills, I assumed were vitamins.

"What's this for?" I asked.

"You need to take better care of yourself. I may not know everything that's goin' on when you're not here, but I can take a guess. Bella, I've watched you deteriorate faster than anything and I'm worried. I mean, look at yourself," he said, waving his hand at my body, sadness and fear evident in his eyes. "You look like I could breathe on you and you'd crumble to the ground. I can't just sit here and do nothing. You're like a sister to me, Bell, I can't stand this. Why aren't you eating?"

I was in shock. This had been the first time he'd ever sat me down to talk about this. And it hurt me that I couldn't tell him the answer. I longed to finally have a confidant.

"I don't know, Pete. I guess I'm just never hungry..." I trailed off.

_Real original, Bella._

He sighed. "Well, I guess I can't make you tell me, but I hope that when you feel like it, you will." He pulled out an envelope and handed it to me. This was our weekly ritual. "This is for the week; I already placed over half into your college fund. That asshole thinks he can just take it," he spat. "I still wish you'd leave him, Bell, he's not healthy for you. Can't you see that?"

"It'll be ok, Pete. Thank you for the check, I appreciate everything. Really, but I can't leave. Not now." I looked down at my feet, knowing he wouldn't understand.

He growled in defeat and shook his head sadly. "Ok, Bella. But be safe tonight, and I swear, if anything happens, you call me." He opened the door for me, "Oh, and take the damn pills. I want you to come into my office every night for them. You need the vitamins in your system. Now scoot."

I smiled, knocking back the pills like a pro and chugged the water as I made my way towards the back exit.

Once I was back out in the chilly fall air, I made my way towards my bicycle. Well, it really wasn't mine; it was just a loan from Kris. She didn't like me walking to and from work when I didn't have a ride and quite frankly neither did I. Seattle was a far cry from the safety of living in the small town of Forks with your policeman father.

It hurt to think about Charlie, I missed him more than anything. Hopefully soon we'd be able to sit down and talk about what had happened. Not until I got my life figured out though.

Throwing my bag over my shoulder, I hopped on and pedaled my way around the back of the building. When I was almost to the end, I skidded to a halt, staring into the shadows. I could have sworn I had seen something, or _someone_, lurking there, but once I'd actually focused my eyes on the spot there was nothing but darkness.

I shook myself. I was still spooked after what had happened earlier. It was the only explanation.

I started towards the front of the club once more, making a right turn onto the busy street. The Day & Nite apartment complex was about seven blocks away.

During my trek, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being followed. The hairs on the back of my neck were standing on end, and I had that eerie creepy-crawly feeling all over. I didn't dare look back, though, for fear that I would crash the bike and seriously injure myself. I'd never hear the end of it.

Finally, I hit the entrance to the dilapidated building and locked my bike in the rack and then ran towards the door. I just had a feeling that I was late. After jamming my key into the lock on the main door, I wrenched it open, bolted into the foyer, and looked at the clock above the abandoned attendants' desk.

_Shit!_

Time seemed to shift into slow motion as the second hand ticked my impending doom into existence at 12:31 a.m.

_Please, please, please let him understand!_

I kept chanting the silent prayer to whoever would listen as I started running up the five flights of stairs, tripping every few steps I took. Why we had to live on the top floor, I had no idea. Probably his idea of a great joke, "Hey, let's watch Bella climb the stairs. We all know how clumsy she is!"

_Hilarious._

Just as I thought that, my toe caught the last step before the landing and I went sprawling, landing half on and half off the floor. I was pretty sure I'd either felt or heard something crack minutely.

_Great. Just great._

Picking myself up from the floor, I winced, noting the pain from my ribcage. I was wagering another hairline fracture. Maybe worse. I sighed and quickly made my way to the apartment, hoping beyond hope that he was asleep, and opened the door to find the living room vacant.

_Oh, this can't be good._

_Please be asleep._

I snorted; like I should be so lucky. I dropped my bag on the couch and crept towards the bedroom like a child who knew they'd done wrong and was turning themselves in. As I approached the door, I stopped for a moment to listen. I couldn't hear anything, so I urged myself onward and opened the door with feigned confidence.

There he was, lying on the bed with a "Men's Health" magazine placed haphazardly on his chest with one arm over the side of the mattress.

_He's asleep?!_

_Something's very wrong here. _

I stood there for a couple minutes to gauge the atmosphere and make sure I wasn't dreaming. There was definitely tension in the air, and I kept expecting him to spring off the bed and let me have it, but he just laid there. To top it off, he started snoring.

_There __**is **__a god. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!_

Trying not to wake him, I decided to go about my normal nightly routine. I walked to the closet and grabbed my sweats from the clean hamper and walked towards the small bathroom for a shower to calm my aching muscles from the mishap on the stairs earlier. The thought of a nice shower had me smiling and almost bouncing as I walked.

_Maybe tonight can have a happy ending. _

That thought was squashed like a bug as my face met the door by a force from behind me, I was sure I had a cut on my forehead.

"I told you 12:30, Bella. Where were you?" Mike snarled. I guess he'd become a good actor since I saw him last, which was last night.

A traitorous whimper left my lips as I replied, "P-Pete needed to talk to me. I'm sorry; I didn't realize what time it was." I felt tears well up behind my lashes. I could tell this was going to be one for the books.

He gripped my hair in one hand and turned me to face him, pinning me to the door. "You know Pete knows when you're supposed to be home! Where were you?"

"I was at the club, Mike! I have nowhere else to go!" The second the last words left my mouth, his hand met my cheek, setting it ablaze and causing the tears to flow over my lashes. I hated letting him see how hurt I was, but after a year, my defenses were shot.

"You're lying! You little _bitch_!" He spat in my face and threw me to the floor only to pin me down with his knee on my chest. "Do you know what I've done for you?"

I winced, feeling my fractured rib throb in pain. "Mike, please," I begged. "Pete just needed to ask me something. It's no big-" I was cut off by another slap to my face, whipping my head to the side.

He started speaking in a softer voice. "I took you," he paused, pinning my arms to the floor and spreading my legs with his knee, "when no one else wanted _'Psycho Bella'._"

He was right.

I didn't know what to say, so I just lay there, crying and shaking.

"I gave you a place to live. I took care of you, because I love you. I knew you weren't crazy." He brought his hand up to stroke my cheek in a comforting way. I found myself leaning into it.

_What the fuck?!_

_Maybe tonight's different._

"I'm supporting you the best I can, Bella. But how can I trust you when you're so deceitful?!" On that last word his voice went back to anger and he shook my shoulders, causing my head to bounce off the floor.

"I-I don't know what you--"

"Don't _lie_ to me, Bella; of _course_ you know what I'm talking about!" At that, he reached into my coat to find the little baggie of pills, and proceeded to wave it in my face with a malicious sneer on his face.

_Fuck._

"Did you think I wouldn't notice? Bella, don't you know I check my inventory every night? You're supposed to _ask_ if you can have some." He got up, pulling me with him by the collar of my shirt. I was terrified.

He hit me again on the same cheek, forcing me to fall on the bed, and I saw my chance. I looked behind quick enough to retract my leg, and thrust it back in the prime target.

"YOU BITCH!" Mike screamed, as he fell to the floor, cupping his manhood. I scrambled across to the other side of the bed and off, trying to make it to the door, only to realize it was on the other side of the room.

_Fuck my life. Just this once, couldn't something work in my favor?_

Seeing my defeat, Mike chuckled, rising from the floor. "Don't think I'd let you get away that easily, beautiful." He swaggered over to me, walking slowly from the pain I'd inflicted.

I slid to the floor, wrapping my arms around my torso, crying.

"Nuh-uh. Stand up," he growled, grabbing me by my hair and pulling me up. "I want you to _beg_ for them, Bella.

"N-no," I stuttered out between sobs.

He shook my head, straining my neck. "I said, _beg_ for them, bitch!" he walked towards the bed, pulling me behind, making me trip and fall, hurting my ankle.

"P-please, M-Mike--" I tried to say, but he ripped me up and threw me on the bed, hitting my head on the wall.

"That's right. Beg!" He threw a punch and I felt my rib crack all over again, causing me to cry out in pain.

"N-no, Mike, p-please." I cowered, hoping beyond hope that it was almost over.

I felt another punch, and curled into a ball. "I said, beg, Bella. Show me you know how!" He grabbed my hair again, turning my head to make me look him in the eyes.

There was no escaping it.

"Please, Mike, may I use a portion of your supply?" I whimpered out, defeated.

"See? Now was that so hard?" he asked, cupping my cheek in his other hand, causing me to wince. "The answer is no, you whore. They aren't for _you_, they are _mine!_" He threw my head back into the wall, hard, causing my vision to blur for a few moments, and I swear I saw stars. I was full on crying now. It was embarrassing.

_Thank god he didn't notice the coke._

As he started to get up, he paused. "Oh, and another thing…" He smacked me once more, harder than he'd ever done. "Where's the coke?"

_God damn it._

I looked at him, trying to plead innocence.

"Don't try my patience, Bella. I don't want to throw you out on the street. It's not like you could do any better, no one would want you."

_He was right, again._

"M-my b-bag," I stuttered. "On the c-couch."

He got up and left the room, presumably to seek out his precious merchandise. I lay there, cowering, waiting for whatever would happen next, when I heard the apartment door slam.

_He left?_

I waited for a few minutes before I got up to investigate. My bag and its contents were strewn all over the living room, the baggie of coke missing. He was nowhere to be found.

_Thank you, god._

Not in the mood for a shower anymore, I went to the fridge and found a bottle of Vodka and went back to the room, then grabbed my book and went back to the bed. I was starting to feel dizzy, the world began spinning slightly. Curling up into a ball, I took a few large gulps of the vodka, and wiped my face on my sleeve to find it smeared in red. Upon further investigation, I found my cheek had a large gash in it.

_Lovely._

I rested my head on a pillow, letting the fear wash over me in waves, and started crying again. He was right; this was as good as it would get for me. Although I accepted it, I wished I knew why.

The last thing I remembered was taking another sip of vodka before blacking out.

* * *

**A/N:**

*hides*

Whatcha think, bb's? *lip quivers*


	5. The Runaway

**A/N: **

*walks in with a feather duster* My, my, look at all that dust! Looks like I've neglected this fic? NOPE!

Sorry, everyone!!! This chapter took me a while to write, 1. Because I was writing a o/s for a contest (that I couldn't enter) and 2. Edward just didn't want to be written.

A BIG thank you to my amazing beta xrxdanixrx!! You are so wonderful!

Also, a huge thank you to my amazing friends: queensofpattinson, tazz, ohmyitsv, sjoeke007, GlassCannon, and Jezunya!!! Thank you for pushing me, comforting me and just being there throughout this chapter!!! I love you all!!

ANNOUNCEMENT! Thanks to Tazz, I now have a forum for this story! Go there to further discuss your loves, hates and general musings for the story! I'll post teasers and random tidbits as I see fit as well ;)

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And now, without further ado, I give you Ch 4.

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Why, in god's name, was she working at a strip club? What had changed in her to make her allow herself to do something so disgraceful? I'd figured that after I left, for her sake, that she'd get together with the Newton kid, go off to college, and lead a perfect and _normal_ life.

This most certainly was not normal.

She didn't look well at all. She was bone thin and her skin had turned from a beautiful creamy porcelain to a chalky pale color. She looked paler than me! The dark, almost black circles under her eyes were deep and poorly hidden from my eyes by the makeup. Many scars, more than I'd ever known about, were scattered over her flesh, not even noticeable to the human eye.

What had I done? This had not been my intention.

Jasper's sudden shift in weight brought my focus back to the bigger picture, noticing Bella hanging upside down on the pole by her ankles, rubbing her hands over her body. The club patrons urged her on by whistling. Before I knew it, she had taken her top off and had flung it at my face. I caught it, causing her face to crease slightly in confusion.

_Dude, she's good!_ Emmett thought. _But this is weird, she's like my sister!_

I groaned. Leave it to Emmett to kick a man while he was down, unintentionally. I had to agree with his first comment; I couldn't take my eyes off her. I instantly felt disgusted with myself as I felt my pants tighten in a certain area.

She was hypnotic in her movements, which was very unlike Bella. Where had she gained the courage to do this, to show her body to complete strangers? I couldn't believe I was looking at two of the most perfect breasts in the world; something I'd only daydreamed about because I'd been waiting for the proper time.

Marriage.

That thought alone had me crashing back to Earth. I had to get out of there; this was in no way right.

Thankfully, the announcer called a break for the dancers, and as soon as Bella disappeared behind the curtain, I ran outside as fast as I could without drawing attention. I heard Jazz and Em follow close behind me.

As soon as I was outside, I leaned against the wall and scooted to a sitting position.

_Leave, and you die, Edward._ Emmett viciously thought.

_This is your chance, Edward. Fate._ Jazz thought.

"You knew she was here, didn't you?" I spat quickly, glaring at them as they towered over me.

_No!_ Their thoughts shouted at me. I could see from their minds that they were telling the truth.

As I sat there, letting the pain and confusion wash over me, I noticed Bella's scent still lingered in the air and I felt something rough in my hand. I looked down at the sparkly blue excuse of a top that she had flung at my face.

I snorted at the irony.

Not only was it blue, my favorite color on Bella, but it had to be fucking sparkly. It was mocking me.

Jasper and Emmett sat down next to me, a whirl of confusion and worry in their minds. Em was the first to speak. "Dude, you ok?" He poked at the fabric in my hand mentally wondering why it was funny.

"No, Emmett, it's not funny. It's ironic, more than anything. And no, I'm not ok." I leaned my head back against the wall and closed my eyes.

I could feel Jasper trying to find the right thing to say, and having a hard time of it. "You don't need to say anything, Jazz."

"I'm not really trying to find the right thing to say because I know that no matter what any of us says, you'll still mope. I'm more mulling over the name she chose." He frowned.

What kind of sick game was she playing at by calling herself Venom? It was like a slap in my face just because I refused to turn her. Though, deep down, I knew she hadn't known that I'd show up and that confused me more. Why had she chosen that name?

I'd cross that bridge when I reached it.

Emmett snorted in agreement. "I think it was fierce!" he said in a mock gay voice. Jazz and I rolled our eyes.

"Edward, she couldn't know that we'd return. We didn't even know that she'd be here. This was all just a happy coincidence." Jazz tried to reassure me.

"Yeah, but I just can't help the feeling that…that I don't exist, at least not to her. Something felt off tonight. Didn't you get that vibe?" I asked.

"She's definitely confused about something. She's hurting and lost. Though from what, I can't say exactly, but I'd assume that part of it is from when you left. She can't have survived that easily, Edward. She loved you more than you could ever know." I'd heard Jasper say that last part so many times, but it didn't stop the pain that shot like electricity through my veins from hearing it.

At that moment we stiffened, hearing voices coming from around the back of the club. Bella was talking to someone.

"Everything's fine, Pete, I just needed some fresh air. It gets hot in there, you know." Who was Pete?

Pete, it turned out, was the owner of the club, which I could see it in his mind. "Bella, I know you better than you think I do. You looked sick up there, like you saw a ghost. What happened?" I could see in his mind that he was a little more worried about her than a boss normally would. He thought of her like a little sister.

At least she had someone to take care of her.

"Nothing happened. I just thought I saw someone I knew is all." She answered him, sounding like she was holding back on the details.

He hesitated, most likely sensing that very same fact. "Meet me after work tonight by the bar. I'm worried about you, ok? I won't take no for an answer." He wanted her healthy again.

"Sure, Pete," she replied, sounding like she was placating him. The conversation stopped then and I could only assume they'd gone back inside.

I looked at my two brothers, my confused expression mirrored on their faces.

"Who the hell is Pete?" Emmett asked.

"He's the owner of the club," I replied. "He watches out for her. He's really worried about her."

Emmett shifted and we sat there in silence, mulling over what we'd just learned. "You think she's with him?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "He treats her like a little sister, if anything." I brought my knees up and buried my head in my arms. I couldn't believe I left her to this. Yeah, she had someone taking care of her, but obviously not enough. She looked like hell.

Feeling my emotions, Jazz spoke up. "Edward, I'm sure, in true Bella fashion, she refuses help. She's very independent, you know that." He placed his hand on my shoulder, but I shook it off.

"Well, at least she has a human taking care of her, which is what I wanted to happen." Even though it stung that it couldn't be me.

Emmett caught the bitterness in my voice and was about to contradict, but I cut him off. "Could you guys just leave me alone for a while, please? I'll be home soon."

They hesitated for a second, debating whether or not they should force me to leave, but decided against it.

"Be careful, please. Don't do anything you'll regret," Jazz pleaded, and they were gone.

I sank back against the wall once more, wishing I could just go back in time and fix everything that had gone wrong. Maybe if I hadn't been such a pompous ass and had given her what she wanted, we'd be together and happy, in love.

No.

I didn't want that for her. I wouldn't take her life from her. She deserved to not be with a creature of the damned that would to prey on the very thing that kept her alive.

She deserved a human that didn't have to fight the urge to bite her, someone who couldn't harm her with just the slightest flick of a wrist.

Oh, how I wished I was human.

As I sat there, my mind began to wander back to the past like it often did when I was alone.

"_Bella, please, everyone's waiting for you." I pleaded_

"_I'm not going!" she shouted from her room, her door was locked. We'd been watching _Romeo and Juliet_ when I'd mentioned the party, and she immediately ran up to her room and shut the door in my face. I could easily rip it from its hinges, but that wouldn't be very gentlemanlike and Charlie would be quite pissed._

_I sighed and leaned against the frame. "Bella, the last birthday that we celebrated was Emmett's in 1935. Give them just this little thing."_

_The door flew open. "__**Little?**__ You think this birthday is a __**little**__ thing?" she screamed at me, flinging her arms in agitation and walking towards her window. "Edward, it means I'm one year older than you! I'm eighteen! Why would I celebrate that?"_

_I looked at her, letting the words sink in. She didn't seem to understand how important it was that she was actually aging. Something I wished for. "It doesn't matter to me how old you are, Bella, I will always love you." I walked toward her and she hissed. She actually hissed in anger, freezing me in my spot._

"_Don't," She spat, tears welling in her eyes. "Why won't you just change me, Edward? Don't you want me forever?"_

_I looked at her in disbelief. How could she ask such things? How could she not know that answer? "Of course I want you forever, Bella, but not in the way you want." I cringed, realizing too late how my words could be taken._

"_So, that means you __**don't **__want me forever, because you obviously will live on well after I shrivel up and die!" She turned her back on me, trying to hide the pain. _

_I walked silently towards her and wrapped my arms around her waist, startling her. "You know that's not true. I told you I'd follow you soon after. There's no world I can live in where you are not." I pressed my lips to her hair, breathing in her sweet scent._

"_Then why can't you just take me with you forever? I don't want to die, Edward, not if I know you'll end your life, too! I will not bear that responsibility."_

_I frowned, fighting the pain her words caused. She had a fair point, but I wouldn't bear the responsibility of ruining her soul. "As I cannot, and will not bear the responsibility of damning you to this existence! We're at an impasse, Bella. But," I said, squeezing her tightly, moving my lips to her neckline and causing her breath to hitch, "I love you more than you could ever know. Now, come on, Alice is waiting."_

_I picked her up and carried her out of the house before she could realize what had happened, and made it to her truck in time to keep her from crying out. She hated a scene. Looking into her eyes, I smirked, knowing full well she knew what I was thinking. She glowered and crossed her arms over her chest like a child._

"_You'll understand soon, love," I said._

"_I'll just ask Alice to do it, then. She's seen it, so you know it will happen. You don't bet against Alice!" she continued to glare out the window._

"_I can, if I decide to change the future. You will remain human, Bella." We were on the highway by then._

_She huffed in anger and leaned her forehead against the cool glass. I could tell by the crease between her eyes that she was plotting and I couldn't keep a stupid line from going through my head._

_Resistance was futile._

_I couldn't tell who that was being said to, but I hoped it was her. _

_We pulled into the driveway of my family's home, and after I parked, I sat there for a moment. "Can you at least try to enjoy this for my family's sake? Alice put a lot into this, and even Rosalie is here."_

_With that, her neck tensed and she looked at me. "R-Rose? But, she __**hates**__ me." _

"_No, she doesn't love. She just envies your humanity. That's all." I reached out and pushed her hair behind her ear. She was so beautiful. _

"_I could see the battle wage across her face as she decided which way to go before she nodded. "Let's go in, then." she got out of the truck and headed towards the door. _

_Everyone was excited that it was Bella's birthday. Alice had, of course, gone overboard in decorating for Bella. There were flowers everywhere, and more treats than was absolutely necessary. It was enough to feed a small country. When we walked inside, Bella was swarmed by my family for congratulations and hugs, and she kept a smile on her face the entire time. _

_Alice came bounding over after Esme had hugged Bella and pulled her over to a table covered in confetti, presents, and various candies. In the middle was an enormous chocolate raspberry cake covered in chocolate ganache. _

"_Alice, I can't eat that much, and you guys don't eat human food…"she trailed off after seeing the look on Alice's face._

"_We'll freeze most of it for you, then!" Alice chimed. She wouldn't be brought down. Picking up a small box, she handed it to Bella. "Here, it's from Jasper and me."_

_Bella took it from her nervously because she hated gifts. Looking up at me for encouragement, I nodded, urging her to open it. It was a beautiful necklace with a sapphire pendant; I knew she'd love it._

_She ripped into the blue paper and gasped, quickly bringing her index finger to her mouth to suck on it. Her face scrunched in pain and she looked at me apologetically. _

"_What's wrong, Bella?" Emmett asked, oblivious to what happened._

_She tentatively brought her finger out of her mouth to reveal a deep paper cut, slowly gushing blood. "Paper cut." Her lips were covered in it, the sanguine fluid dripping down her chin. It was the single most sexiest thing I'd ever seen._

_And then the smell hit me. __**Fuck.**_

_I didn't have time to react before Jasper was after her. He'd just about grabbed her before Carlisle was in front of Bella to protect her. I was frozen to the spot in shock._

_Emmett bounded after Jazz in a matter of seconds, wrapping his arms around Jasper's torso, gluing his arms to his body. Jasper put up an amazing fight, his growls echoing off the walls as he struggled against Emmett to get around Carlisle, who was now pushing against the two to get them outside in fresh air._

_Alice had run to the aid of Bella, who in her shock, had stumbled back into the table and fell to the floor. She was trying to keep her finger in her mouth to lessen the smell, but the damage had been done. _

_I felt like an outsider, a fly on the wall. I knew I should be doing something, but I was too in shock from my arousal. It made me wish right then that I'd just let the venom take her over in the spring. The thought that Bella would look so... __**erotic**__… with blood pouring out of her mouth…_

"_Edward! What on Earth are you doing?" I was brought out of my thoughts by Esme rushing over and smacking me across the face. _

_I shook my head and felt something on my groin, upon further inspection I saw it was my hand. __**What the hell?**__ "I…I don't know, Esme. I blacked out for a bit." I looked around me, disgusted that I wasn't there to protect Bella. _

"_Well, that is most certainly no excuse for leaving your girlfriend to fend for herself!" She ran over to Bella to check on her, but stiffened. _

_I ran over, pulling her away. "Go outside, Esme."_

_She smiled apologetically at Bella and ran out with her hand over her nose. I looked at Alice, who was struggling, and made to send her out, as well, but she shook her head, thinking, "No, Edward. She needed someone here for her, at least I thought of it."_

_I looked at Bella, who was white as a ghost, her finger long forgotten, as she looked at me in a mixture of fright and anger." Bella, I'm sorry… I don't know what came over me. Seeing your blood dripping out of your mouth was…" I looked away in embarrassment. _

"_You ignored me, Edward." She glared at me, tears welling in her eyes. "I needed you to protect me and you just stood there gaping at me! I would rather you had tried to kill me!"_

_My eyes widened in shock, "Bella, how could you say that?"_

_She snorted sardonically. "Oh, please, Edward, you must be joking!" She got up with the aid of Alice and steadied herself with the table to examine her cut, squeezing it to see how deep it was and blood squirted out._

_Alice and I both tensed and I grabbed Bella, causing her to scream and run her to my room. I wanted that blood __**now**__. It was causing my mouth to pool with venom, urging the monster inside to come forward. _

_I threw Bella on my couch and hovered over her, pinning her down. _

"_Ed-Edward, what are you doing?" she asked, terror in her voice. It egged me on._

"_Isn't this what you wanted, Bella?" I brought her hand up to my face, smelling the tantalizing syrup dripping from her finger. I needed to taste it._

"_I-I didn't mean it, Edward. I—" I cut her off, placing my finger to her lips._

"_Shh ,my love. Everything's going to be ok." I looked at the red syrup dripping from her finger. It was deep. Looking in her eyes, I brought her finger closer to my lips and licked the blood slowly from her wound, causing me to purr. It was so good._

"_Edward, what are you doing?" she asked again, her voice raising an octave. I felt a small tugging feeling, and noticed she was trying to pull away. _

"_You think you can get away, my sweet?" A growl ripped from my chest and I grabbed her and threw her onto the wall pinning her beneath me. I sneered at her, "As if you could run fast enough!" _

_She let out a whimper and struggled. "Edward, stop it! You proved your point!"_

"_What point is that, my dear?" I nuzzled the crook of her neck, right over her pulse point. It was beating fast, drawing me in. _

"_That I shouldn't have wanted you to kill me! I'm sorry!" she screamed, really struggling now. _

_Her screaming threw me into full monster mode, all I could see was red and screaming in my head. _

"_**Kill! Kill!"**_

_I bared my teeth, hovering over her neck, ready to sever her flesh, when a force pushed me away and through the window, shattering it._

_**Hell no!**_

_I quickly grabbed onto a nearby branch before hitting the ground, and flung myself back into my room, growling in anger at my assailant, only to find Carlisle and Emmett protecting her once again. _

_From me._

_That thought sent me reeling._

_**What had I done?**_

_One look at Bella, and I was crushed. Her wrists were badly bruised, one possibly broken. Her sobs broke my long dead heart into a thousand pieces. Carlisle turned his attention to Bella to assess the damage, and Emmett walked towards me._

"_Outside, now," he ordered. He didn't have to tell me twice, I couldn't look at what I'd just done. What I almost did._

"_What the hell was that, man? You almost killed her! What were you thinking?!" He jerked me to a standstill and looked me in the eyes._

_I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding and shook my head. "I don't have a clue. One minute I'm trying to apologize for being the biggest dick on the planet and the next I'm seeing her as my prey, the single thought to kill running through my mind." I shook him off and sat against the nearest tree._

"_Well, she's scared shitless, dude. You hurt her pretty bad." He sat down next to me._

"_I know, Emmett. I can't believe I did that." I looked away, hanging my head in shame._

_He got back up. "I need to go check on Jasper, he's beside himself. Think I can leave you alone with them?"_

"_Yes, Emmett, I'm ok now." He left and I began wallowing in my guilt. I couldn't stay here. What if that happened again? I couldn't risk her life like that. We were vampires, first and foremost. It was our nature to feed off blood. _

_I loved her with every fiber of my being, but I wasn't good for her. She wasn't safe with me. I had to leave. _

I was brought back to my senses by the door slamming shut at the back of the club, a whiff of freesias announcing Bella's presence. She must have gotten off work. I moved from my spot and ghosted over to the corner and peered around to find her walking towards a bicycle. Whatever happened to her truck?

I watched her frail frame get onto the bike and start to pedal towards me before she skidded to a halt and looked in my direction. I ran to the other side before she could really see me; I couldn't afford that.

She started up once again, and made her way onto the busy street and pedaled clumsily, but with determination. Why couldn't I read her mind? It was so damn frustrating! She looked scared and I wished I could soothe her.

I watched as she pedaled down the street and made her way to the dilapidated apartment complex that looked unfit for humans. Why in the hell was she living there? I had to clear my head. This was like some sick and twisted alternate universe and I wanted no part in it. She deserved a thousand times better, and I intended to make that happen.

My body was screaming to run after her and drag her away, but I knew that I couldn't do that. I'd left for a reason. She was finally being human, who was I to rip her from that and dictate her life?

That didn't stop the nagging feeling I had in the pit of my stomach.

I shook my head, I couldn't think that way. With that in mind, I ran towards our new home, taking care to stay away from street lamps. We were living on the outskirts of town, naturally, resuming our human façade once again. Carlisle found a job at a local hospital and Esme found a small Interior Design company that specialized in Victorian Gothic work. The rest of us hadn't felt the need to go to school, so we hadn't applied.

_Thank god._

I hated having to sit in those stupid high school classrooms full of pre-pubescent children, having to listen to lectures I'd heard a thousand times and learning history that I actually witnessed firsthand.

When I made it to the driveway, I took a second to admire the beautiful home. It was a mansion styled like the houses of my era in Chicago. It felt like home, and I loved Esme for it.

I ran inside, noticing everyone was in the living room, most likely discussing our outing and seeing Bella. I wanted no part in that, so I ran up to my room, locking my door behind me. I threw myself on the large, ornate bed and pulled a pillow over my eyes.

There was a knock at the door, and I sensed Alice's thoughts. "What, Alice?"

"Will you open your door, please? I'd like to talk to you."

I groaned, walked over and unlocked the door to have it flung open. Alice walked in and sat herself on my bed, then looked at me with a pained expression. "How do you feel about what happened?"

"Really, Alice? You have to ask?" I sat next to her and held my head in my hands. "I left her, and this is what became of her life. She's a _stripper,_ Alice. I don't know how, or why, and I have no idea what I'm going to do about it," I growled.

"You need to help her, is what you need to do! She's on an unhealthy path, Edward. I can't see her completely yet, but she isn't well. " Just then, a flash of Bella on a pole caught my eye in her mind.

"You knew? Alice! You knew and you let me go to be hurt like that?" I flew off the bed and rounded on her. How could she do that to me?

"I don't know what—"

I cut her off. "Of course you know what I'm talking about, Alice! You _saw_ that she was working at the strip club we were going to!" I was beyond yelling now, causing the rest of our family to run up the stairs to see what was going on.

She glared at me, flashing images of Bella as a vampire, running with our family, As part of our family. She would do anything to get her back. "Alice, I know you want her back, but I had us leave for a reason! Just because we ran into her tonight, doesn't mean I'm going to just swoop her back up! Also, I would have liked some forewarning!"

"You deserved it, Edward, for what you did to our family! You forced us to leave a town we were happy in, forced us away from our _sister_, all because of you and your pathetic anguish! For what? To keep her safe? She was safer with us than out there on her own, unprotected! She's a danger magnet! God knows what she's gotten herself into now besides stripping! It's your fault! All of it! If you hadn't asked me to stop looking for her, I wouldn't be having this problem!" She was practically growling at me.

I bent down to a crouch. "How dare you blame me for everything! She deserved a human life, Alice! Human friends and a family! It was clear that being around us was detrimental to her health!"

"Shit happens, Edward! Poor Jasper just had a slight relapse; it was to be expected as he's newest to this diet!" I heard Jazz shift uncomfortably. "Bella chose this life, Edward. She wanted it! She would have welcomed Jasper's attack with open arms just so she'd be changed, just so she'd stop being breakable and spend eternity with you! You had to throw that away."

I heard Emmett's mind whirring over something familiar, a line from a movie, _"Because you had love in your hands! And you gave it up!"_

I couldn't take this any longer. I needed to get away from everything and everyone, so I ran. I pushed myself through my family, who were too dazed by what had just happened to stop me. Once I was outside, I headed in the first direction I found myself in.

I didn't know how long I would be gone, but I couldn't seem to care at that point. I needed time to think.

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**A/N:**

*cringes* So? Whatcha think? *hides*

Follow me on twitter!! Sorcha_Cullen


	6. Down the Rabbit Hole

AN:

Hey, everyone! Yes, it's me! I changed my name from AngelStardust to Sorcha Cullen, because Sorcha is the name I use everywhere else in the fandom. Sorry for any confusion!

Hey, everyone! I apologize for the lengthy disappearance, 1. I didn't have my laptop for a few months and 2. My summer became the busiest summer I ever had! My inspiration was squandered by my dancing- I had to choreograph a lot of stuff! PLUS I WAS PERFORMING! (My real love in life LOL) Yay for RL taking over /sarcasm. And that's the end of my excuses. I'm warning you now, Bella is one stubborn little… *chuckles* and hates to be written about, so this chapter was the hardest I've written. So this chapter is dark and kinda traumatic. I hope you enjoy Ch 5!

To hear the song that inspired this chapter "Down the Rabbit Hole" by Adam Lambert, click this link!

http (:) /youtu (dot) be/RhsrKk_xEQU

A special thank you to my new betas (listed in no special order because they all rock!):

minnakoda, ScuitoLover, octoberland and calin-durus!

And a special shout-out to my Cheerleaders! You know I wouldn't be writing without you pushing me!

Mimi-Love-4ever, ohmyitsv, and Jen.

"_Step right into your stripper shoes  
Roll the dice, I got sneakers and déjà-vu  
Popping off, fire melted with bally-hoo  
Tune in, tune in, turn on, drop out_

Going down the rabbit hole  
Get away from all we know  
Come on, follow  
Come on and follow me  
Going down the rabbit hole  
With hoes and gigolos  
Come on, follow  
Come on and follow me

Quick, slow, high or low  
You never gonna know for sho'  
See in stereo  
Down the rabbit hole"

"_Down the Rabbit Hole" – Adam Lambert_

*s*

"Bella…Bella?"

My name was floating faintly like a song over the breeze. The voice was eerily familiar; it was reminiscent of the chiming of small bells.

I opened my eyes and gazed around me, noticing that I was in the middle of a lush green forest. The sunlight was falling through the trees, and every once in a while, a cloud would drift over the small portion of exposed sky, shrouding me in darkness.

Why the hell was I in a forest? I lived in Seattle.

"Bella, there you are…" the voice giggled.

It was Alice; there was no mistaking that voice.

"Bella?" she asked, and I looked around, trying to find where she was. She was nowhere to be found.

"Alice, where are you?" I took a few steps forward.

"What are you doing, Bella?" She sounded annoyed, her voice coming from behind me this time and I whipped around.

She still wasn't there.

What the hell?

I decided I'd follow her voice; she might lead me out of here.

"C'mon, Bella…" she pleaded.

I frowned. Couldn't she see that I was lost? "I'm trying, Alice, but I don't know where you are." I walked forward again through the trees, watching my step in case the underbrush decided to do away with me.

"No, Bella!"

Jasper?

His voice came from my left, and yet, he wasn't there.

_Big surprise, Bella._

What the hell was going on? "Jasper? Alice? Where are you, this isn't funny!" I shouted into the trees, listening to my voice echo ominously back and forth. I was starting to get really annoyed, and I showed it by stomping forward at a faster pace before breaking out into a run. I didn't like it there; it didn't feel right.

Why wouldn't they show themselves?

"Watch out!" Velvet tones screamed softly at me from behind, causing me to whip my head in their direction, once again finding myself faced with nothing.

But it was _him_, there was no mistaking it.

Just then, a fallen branch tangled with my feet and sent me falling.

Falling.

Falling.

It was dark; I couldn't see my hand in front of my face. The chill air caused my skin to break out in goose pimples.

What is this, _Alice in Wonderland_?

As I continued to fall, I noticed several pairs of eyes fading in and out of focus around me. Shades of crimson and gold blazing in the darkness, before one pair of topaz jewels lingered, boring into my soul, as Edward's face slowly came into focus.

I was jolted awake, not knowing where I was, but I kept my eyes shut. My head was splitting open and I felt like I was melting.

_Oh God, I can't be sick!_

I tried opening my eyes, only to be blinded by the sun pouring in through the closed blinds. Shifting around to try to sit up, I winced, noting excruciating pain in my ribcage and head. I most likely had a broken rib. Again.

As I slowly sat up on the bed, a wave of nausea and dizziness hit me, causing me to collapse back onto the mattress. Whatever was wrong with me was most likely serious. I groaned as I thought about having to sit in the E.R., trying to come up with a convincing enough story for my injuries. My mind flashed to me, sitting on a trauma bed, watching the skilled hands of Dr. Cullen as he examined me.

_Stop it._

I sighed, trying to rid myself of the unwanted lapse of control over my imagination. I needed to call Kris; she'd know what to do.

Steeling myself, I gingerly sat up and waited for the dizziness to subside. Scooting toward the edge of the bed, I rose to a standing position and nearly stumbled back onto the bed as my head exploded.

_Shit. _

I needed to get to the phone.

As I made my way towards the living room with lead feet, I wondered what I'd tell Kris. She didn't need to know all the details. I remembered tripping on the stairs. Yes, that'd be enough-I just had to doctor it up a bit.

I briefly wondered where Mike was, when the lock in the front door clicked, freezing me in my steps. His mood could swing either way and I mentally prepared myself for anything. The door cracked open and Mike's head poked in, his eyes locking immediately with mine.

"Heeeeey, baby, you're awake," he said, smiling. He walked into the living room, towards me, with one hand reaching out in a pleading manner.

I smiled nervously, taking a step towards him, when another wave of dizziness hit me, causing me to lose my balance and fall over the top of the couch. My head felt like it was being ripped open and I felt my rib shift, causing even more pain. I vaguely remembered screaming before I blacked out.

*s*

I was surrounded in a thick black fog, unable to move or see. In fact, the only sense that seemed to be working was my hearing; although, not very well. Everything seemed to be garbled and distant-like an old record fading in and out-I couldn't make any sense of what I was hearing. The only sound that I could make out clearly was a rhythmic, high pitched, beeping that grated on my nerves. It was like a beat to some fast techno song I couldn't place.

It was starting to really annoy me, even more so because I couldn't figure out what it was. The noise tugged on my memory like a forgotten child - like I'd experienced it before. I just wanted it to stop, but the more I concentrated on it, the louder and faster it got. I wanted to scream-I could do nothing but endure the pain.

Pain.

I was feeling pain, and it was excruciating.

It felt like my entire body was pulsating and vibrating at the same time while my senses slowly started to come back. I began to hear other things, erratic and labored breathing, mumbled words, shuffled footsteps.

What was going on?

"Bella?" The voice sounded far away, but worried. I couldn't answer.

"Bella!" the voice screamed, and I felt my body jolt and my eyes snap open, slowly focusing on two eyes mere inches from mine.

Where was I? And why were these eyes the color of amber?

There was only one reason.

"Bella, can you hear me?" His velvet voice washed over me as I tried to figure out what was going on. "Bella, honey, you're in the hospital."

It was all a dream. The whole last year was all a dream. He _was_ real, and he was here. I briefly wondered what they did with James. I shuddered; I didn't really want to know. The only thing that mattered was that I was alive and Edward was here.

And I was still human.

He hadn't let the venom spread.

"Damnit!" I screamed, wincing as the contraction of my ribs exacerbated my pain.

"What? What's wrong?" he asked, sounding scared.

"Why am I still human? Why didn't you let it spread?" I spat, looking away.

"Let what spread?"

I huffed and looked him in the eyes, wondering what joke he was playing. "Really? You have no earthly idea? That's rich!" I glared, wishing the throbbing headache that was starting to form would take a rain check.

He frowned. "Bella, I have no idea what you're talking about. Of course you're still human, what else would you be? An alien?"

I was incredulous. What game was he playing? I decided to ignore that comment. "The venom, dumbass." I crossed my arms in disgust. "Why didn't you let it spread?"

"What venom, baby? Snake? Spider? Honey, you are in the hospital because of a concussion and broken rib…" he trailed off, frowning in confusion.

"Wha…" my voice died off, looking at him, _really_ looking at him for the first time. He looked different. I noticed a blue tint to his irises and his hair was more blonde than it should be. He reached for my face, stroked my cheek and my eyes widened. He was warm.

"Who... Who are you?" I stammered out.

He frowned deeper. "Bella? What do you mean?" His voice sounded different. The velvet tone I'd heard earlier began morphing into a higher pitched, throaty tone, which had a mocking undercurrent that was altogether too familiar.

This wasn't happening.

Had I become so delusional that I could no longer tell the difference between reality and make-believe? I shut my eyes hard, trying to block out all of my senses and began shaking my head back and forth violently, ignoring the screaming pain coming from my body. I took it as penance for allowing myself to slip.

"Bella, stop; you're gonna make it worse!" The voice had completely changed now, and I wanted nothing to do with it.

"Not like you care. You're the one that caused this to begin with!" I spat. I'd never spoken out of line to him before, but I was not in the mood to act like submissive little Bella right now. I was like a wounded animal, striking out to preserve itself.

I heard a sharp intake of breath, and I could sense him holding back his barrage of insults, his hand twitching to strike me. He would love that. "Only 'cause you disobeyed and stole from me. You know the rules."

I slowly opened my eyes, slowly focusing on his face. It _was_ Mike, after all, which meant it had all happened and _he_ really wasn't real.

_Serves you right._

No one asked you.

_What would you have done if he really existed?_

I don't know and don't care. No sense dwelling on imaginary outcomes.

_You still love him._

How can I love what never existed to begin with? _Shut up._

I turned my head to find the button to call the nurse. I wanted to be put back under, to escape from this bullshit.

He reached for my hand and grasped it. "I love you, Bella, please remember that. I only want you to be safe. I worry about you so much and I'm so scared something will happen to you, that when you disobey… I lash out… I'm sorry, baby." He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it, and I felt a tear roll down my cheek. He was right, and I knew that. I needed to stop forgetting. I nodded.

"I spoke to Pete and told him what happened. Well, the version he needs to know. He sends his wishes and hopes you get better soon. The doctor says he wants you admitted for a couple days." His eyes tightened slightly. "I won't be here that often, Bella because there are things I need to do for the new Newton's Outfitter's here in the city. You'll be ok, wont you?"

Again, I nodded.

"Alright, babe. I'll see you later." He kissed my forehead and left just as the nurse came in.

"Feeling some pain, Miss Swan?" Her smile was that of someone who really didn't give a shit, but had to, anyway.

"Yes, thank you." She pressed a few buttons on the monitor, and I immediately started feeling drowsy. I welcomed the darkness.

*s*

I had to be dreaming. There was no way I was really standing in a forest. I looked around at the lush greens and the gloomy fog drifting through the trees. I could smell the scent of cinnamon lingering on the still air.

The forest was too quiet. I hadn't heard an animal or any other normal forest sounds for several minutes and it made time feel as though it were standing still. It pressed on my ears and made me want to curl inward and scream. There was no one around to hear, though, so it would be fruitless.

Alone.

Where were the animals? This was beyond eerie. I started to feel as though I wasn't alone, as if there were eyes were boring into my back, creating goose bumps all over my pale skin. I needed to get away.

I started to walk hurriedly through the trees, not caring which direction I was going. A breeze picked up, swirling around me, disturbing the undergrowth, and I could have sworn I heard something-like multiple whispers. I couldn't make out a word, but I had a feeling it was about me. I felt pressure on my ribcage and forehead, as though someone was touching me. Whatever kind of magic this was, I wanted no part of it.

I started to run aimlessly, tripping over fallen branches and roots before completely crumpling to a heap on the forest floor. I stayed down; hoping whatever was after me would just go away.

Night fell shortly, and I continued to feel the mysterious presence-hearing the whispers. It was darker than black velvet and the air was thick. I began to see glowing points of light, close to the ground, hovering and moving around. There were only two of them and I felt like they were watching me, somewhat protecting me. They'd fade out for what seemed like hours at a time and then come back- watching again, if that was in fact what they were doing. They always kept a distance, as though they didn't want to startle me.

It suddenly became extremely cold, like I'd been dropped in a bath of ice water. I needed to find shelter, and fast. My muscles were sore from the sudden change in temperature and it was a struggle getting up off the ground. I slowly started to crawl around, feeling the trunks of each tree, hoping for a large enough hole for me to lay in.

I had just reached the fifth tree on my search, when I heard a twig snap from behind.

No, oh please no.

I felt the air whoosh past my left side, causing my tangled hair to blow in my face.

Cinnamon and honey.

No, this was _not_ happening. No, no no no no.

The air whipped past my other side and I flinched away from it a bit too fast and hit my head on the tree trunk, causing me to fall back to the forest floor in a dizzy haze. I felt the air around my body become thicker, as something crouched over me. I shut my eyes tight and brought my arms to cover my face.

"Bellaaaaa…" I heard a faint and drawn out whisper in the dead forest. It sounded like it was coming from all around me.

"Bella…" Louder this time.

"Bella, you can't run forever…." It was right next to me.

No!

"Bella, look at me…" I felt ice cold hands grip my wrists and pull them away from my face. I kept my eyes shut.

"Bella, I said look at me." His voice was rougher now, animalistic. I shook my head.

He growled ferociously, "Look at me!"

My eyes snapped open to find the most beautiful sculpted face right in front of mine. Only it wasn't beautiful now. He had blood smeared all over his bare torso, his bronze hair a tangled mess of blood and twigs-blood dripping from his mouth. But the part that terrified me the most, were his eyes. Ruby jewels that bore deep into my soul. I couldn't move.

He chuckled darkly. "Miss me?" His velvet tones slithered over my skin, causing me to shiver. "I hope you have, because this is the last you'll ever see of me…." He paused, as if in thought, but it only lasted a millisecond before he continued, "…or anyone, for that matter." He laughed darkly, sending a chill though my veins. He grabbed my hair and began pulling my head back, exposing my neck as he leaned in for his kill. I tried to scream, but nothing came out-I only heard it in my mind.

"I've waited so long for this…" He moaned, as he ran his nose along the length of my neck. "Don't worry, my sweet. I'll make this as quick a death as possible, though I suppose I can't promise that it will be painless." I felt his lips curve into that familiar crooked grin that used to dazzle me.

Now it only sickened me.

I felt his teeth begin slicing into my skin, setting my neck ablaze, and that seemed to break the spell on me. I started to thrash around, feeling my ribs crack in his grasp, causing me to scream out in pain.

"Please don't squirm, Isabella." He said in an annoyed tone. "It will only prolong the inevitable."

I tried to kick, but it was fruitless against his strength. "No! You can't have me, you monster!" I would not be his in any way. Didn't he know what he'd done to me?

He glared down at me with a look of such ferocity, that I nearly gave up just then. "Monster? You dare call me a monster, Bella?" He sneered my name, as if it were somehow distasteful to feel it cross his lips. "You made me this way by denying my true nature. Wake up, Bella," he said exasperatedly as he shook me hard. "Wake up and see what you have done!"

_What I had done?_ I had done nothing but love him unconditionally, despite what he was.

Just then he lost his grip on me and I fell to the ground, waking with a start. I was breathing heavily and paused in mid-thrash, the remnants of a scream echoing around me.

"Miss Swan?" The male voice sounded worried.

Was it was really just a dream?

I waited for my breathing to calm down and opened my eyes to find myself back in the hospital bed, the sheets in complete disarray. Someone, I was assuming the male voice, had their arms around me, trying to keep me from flailing—or falling off the bed.

"Miss Swan, I'm Dr. Moriarty, are you alright?" I looked up into his face in complete shock. He looked frightened, obviously not having witnessed anything like that before.

I swallowed, trying to calm my breathing. "I'm sorry to bother you, sir; it was just a bad dream." He slowly let go of me and helped me to lie back down, pulling the sheets over my body. I was freezing and trembling lightly.

He took out his penlight and began checking my senses and reflex. "I was just walking down the hall, coming to check on you, when I heard you screaming. I didn't know what was happening, and the attending wasn't at her desk. I was worried someone had gotten in undetected and was attacking you." He finished testing my eyes, nodding in agreement with something before continuing. "I ran in to find you thrashing around on the bed and I was worried you were either going to fall off, or rip your tubes out."

"I'm sorry for the trouble, sir," I said, my voice slightly hoarse. He waved me off.

"Nothing to be sorry for, Miss Swan." He smiled genuinely.

I looked over at the clock on the wall, noticing it was five in the morning. "Sir, what day is it?"

"It's Friday. You've been here nearly a week, Miss Swan. You've been in and out of consciousness, and we were worried you would slip into a coma. You had a serious case of malnutrition and injuries, especially to your head and ribcage. Your boyfriend said you haven't been eating well, and then fell down some stairs a couple days ago."

I chuckled. Fell down some stairs, my ass. "Sounds like me, sir. I'm pretty clumsy." His eyes narrowed slightly, likely not believing me one bit. But what could I say? If I told them about my home life, Mike would surely beat my ass, not that he wouldn't find a reason to, anyway. I silently pleaded with him to not make an issue of it, and he seemed to take the bait.

"Well, I'll leave you to rest a little more. Now that you're coherent and your vitals are up to where they should be, you can be discharged today. I'll just have to explain your home care to your boyfriend—"

I cut him off quickly. "Sir, if you wouldn't mind, could you call my boss, Pete, instead? He's listed under my emergency contacts, and I'm sure he wouldn't mind. My boyfriend will probably be pretty busy today." _And would not want to deal with me._

He looked pained, as if he knew why I was asking. But then, he smiled warmly. "Yes, of course. If he doesn't answer, who should I contact?" Good he'd caught on.

"His wife, Kris. If he's not there, she will be." I looked into his eyes once more, "Thank you, sir, for everything." I was starting to feel drowsy again; he'd probably administered more medication.

"You're welcome, Miss Swan. It's the least I can do." He smiled, squeezing my shoulder lightly, before turning and walking out of my room.

It felt like it had only been a second before I heard new voices in my room, calling my name. I opened my eyes slowly, realizing I'd fallen sound asleep, to find both Pete and Kris smiling, but I could see the worry in their eyes.

"Bella, I'm glad to see you awake. Your doctor called us saying you were ready to be released." He looked me over quickly, noting my bandaged ankle and head. "What'd that asshole do to you?"

I grimaced, not wanting to talk about it, and pulled the sheets more over my body.

"Pete, let the girl wake up before you start interrogating her. She hasn't been well." Kris pushed him out of the way to lean over me, placing a kiss on my forehead and brushing my hair from my face. "Besides, what happened doesn't matter now. What matters is that you are coming home with us and we're going to get you healthy!"

I smiled briefly before realizing what she'd said. "No, I-I can't…" I rasped out, my throat drier than the Sahara, "M-Mike—"

"Mike, nothing, Bell," Pete argued. "I'm sick and tired of you always goin' back to him after what he does to you. Look where he's landed you _this_ time, Bell. Somethin's gotta change."

Both Kris and I sighed, though I'm sure for different reasons, before she spoke up. "He's right, honey, Mike is bad news. There's plenty of men out there. Why does it have to be him?" She gave me a pleading look.

I sighed once more, looking away from both of them, lest I started crying. "I can't leave him… who else would take in a worthless being like me? At least with him, I have a place to stay and someone to go home to."

I heard Pete scoff. "You know damn well you aren't worthless! And you'd have both those things if you'd stay with us! We can take care of you, and give you things he can't."

I shook my head. "I won't become a burden to either of you. You both do so much for me as it is, Pete. Besides, I need to be responsible for myself. And Mike takes care of me-he brought me here, didn't he?

They both sighed, seeing they wouldn't win this time. "Well, will you at least stay with us tonight?" Kris took my hand and squeezed it, pleading me with her eyes.

I hesitated.

Wouldn't Mike be worried?

Just then, we heard a commotion out in the hallway. A man's voice was shouting.

"How come no one called me about her being discharged?" It was Mike, and he was pissed. The Dennison's had shocked looks on their faces.

A female answered, most likely the nurse, "Sir, we called the person Dr. Moriarty told us to contact. We're sorr-"

"No, you aren't _sorry_. I could sue this hospital for wrongful discharge!" Hurried footsteps approached the door.

"Sir, you can't go in there. the Dennison's are already in there to discharge her!" She sounded worried.

"The hell they will!" We heard a scuffle and Mike shouted, "Let go of me!" There was a loud thump on the wall and Mike appeared in the doorway, seething. "Get away from her," he ordered.

"Fuck you, Newton. You have no business here." Pete squared off at Mike, blocking his pathway. Kris tried to pull him out of the way, sensing a fight. I sat up and placed my feet on the floor, trying to get up, and reached for Pete's other arm as Mike rushed at us. I screamed, terrified, not knowing what would happen. Mike collided with Pete, and I was thrown back into the bed, my heart feeling like it would jump out of my chest. I heard Kris scream and felt someone grab me roughly by my arm, pulling on the tubes I was hooked up to. The room began to spin and I couldn't make anything out.

"She's mine!" I heard Mike scream, wrapping an arm tightly around my ribs, causing blinding pain to erupt throughout my body, and everything went black.

AN:

*peeks out from behind laptop* So? Whatcha think? I really have no creative snarky comment for here, I'm freaking out watching the movie 2012….so I really AM hiding behind my laptop..

Anyway, come hang out in the forum with me, I'll bring more cookies!

http (:) /bit (dot) ly/ao3JWa

Also, follow me on Twitter!

Sorcha_Cullen


	7. Innocence Lost

**AN: Sorry for the long break between chaps again. The wintertime was hell for me, with my gran in and out of the hospital, shows, rehearsals, work, depression… etc etc.. I won't bore you with the details! A fair warning, this chapter is a little shorter than usual, but It ends in a good spot and I wanted to update! So with that, I can tell you the next ch will also be EPOV and will be the second half to this chapter!**

**A HUGE HUGE HUGE thank you to my amazing beta's Octoberland13, Calin_Durus, MinnaKoda and ScuitoLover for being amazing and putting up with my impatience ;) love you guys!**

**My heart belongs to my pre-readers MimiLove4Ever, ohmyitsv and Jen. Without these girls, my writing confidence wouldn't be near as strong! Thank you babies!**

**And last, but most certainly not least, to my #writealong crew, kaghanyou and FigSk8ingAngel! Seriously, ladies, without you pushing and encouraging me, I would be NOWHERE! *huggles***

**So now, without further ado, Ch 6!**

The air whipped by me in a violent dance with the evergreens, as I sat among the middle branches of an impressive Cedar; hidden from any passersby. Not that there would be any this deep in the forest.

I sighed and buried my face in my hands. I was a pathetic excuse of a man. Back when I was human, I would have never done this to Bella. Everything would have been proper and slow-in tandem. But she wasn't even alive then, and I became this… thing.

I was supposed to die.

When the Spanish Influenza took hold of me, I had resolved myself. I was ready to die. In a way, I'm glad she hadn't been born yet, for we would have never met. In that respect, I'm happy Carlisle saved me, for then I was able to meet the sweetest angel of my dreams.

Why did she have to be so tempting not only in body, mind and soul but also in blood?

_No one ever said love was easy._

I scoffed. As if my existence had ever been easy in the first place. At the time, I had thought that leaving Bella was the right decision. She'd be safe, away from the dangers of my kind and able to live a normal life—that of a human.

But I had not envisioned for one moment that she would fall into such debasement as displaying her beautiful body to lowly, disgusting humans who had no care in the world for her but their own enjoyment. Just looking at her made me want to burst into tears. Her body was so thin and frail I had no idea how she had the strength to walk, let alone hold onto a stripper pole.

I had clearly made the wrong choice, but I couldn't just waltz back in now.

_And why not?_

I sighed again. This was all too confusing.

"Eddie?"

I was so lost in thought that I was startled when a woman's voice came from below me. I opened my eyes and leaned over to find Tanya standing on a branch lower than mine with a look of concern on her face.

"Tanya? What are _you_ doing here?" I shifted my position as she climbed onto my branch and sat down.

"I could ask you the same question; you _are_ in _my_ forest after all." She smirked and I frowned.

How had I not realized where I was? "I hadn't realized I was in Denali, Tanya. I've… had a lot on my mind." I leaned back against the trunk of the tree once more and ran my hand through my hair, groaning in frustration.

She giggled, "Edward Cullen, caught off guard _and_ not knowing where he is? That must be a first in history!"

I glared at her, "Don't give me any shit, Tanya, I'm not in the mood."

"I just love when you're feisty, Eddie boy." She purred, running her fingers through my hair.

I grabbed her hand and threw it back at her. "Please, Tanya…"

She huffed, "Well why _are_ you here, then?"

I groaned, I didn't need to delve into this with her. "I just…needed to get away."

She chuckled dryly. "_Come on, Edward. You know I know you better than that. How many times have I found you on the edge of my property, and all for the same reason?" _

I sighed and tried to shut her out of my mind. I didn't need her in both places. "What does it matter to you?

"It matters, because you always seem to be running away from your problems." She glanced over at me and I groaned.

"I just needed to get away and think. As far as I'm concerned there's nothing wrong with that." I sighed. Why, oh why, did she have to choose _now_ to be serious?

She scooted closer and pulled my face to look at her. "I'm just worried about you, that's all. You've been so unhappy, and I don't like it. I don't need to know your inner turmoil, that's up to you. But you need to learn to breathe, live in the moment and stop thinking so damn hard. Maybe if you stop thinking you'll come to an answer."

I sighed and gave in, closing my eyes. She was right, for once. I really did need to just calm the fuck down and learn to breathe. "I never really realized what an uptight ass I've been."

She cupped my cheek, running her thumb over it. "It's ok, Edward, I understand. You've been going through some hard emotional times lately, I know." She scooted closer and wrapped her arm around my shoulders, pulling me toward her.

I laid my head oh her shoulder, taking a deep breath and let it out slowly. It was nice to just sit and…

_Exist?_

_Yeah, exist._

We sat there for a while, listening to the wind whip through the trees. It was calming. When our surroundings began to lighten with the coming morning, I lifted my head to find her gazing at me.

"What?" I asked, wondering how long she'd been staring at me.

She sighed, her face setting into a look of determination. "I love you so much. I just wish you'd see how much I can offer you, Eddie."

I started to say something, but was cut off by her mouth suddenly on mine. Her hands laced through my hair as she continued to kiss me, yet I sat frozen.

"_Just shut off your mind and go with the flow, Edward,"_ she thought. I breathed in her lavender scent, and it calmed me somewhat—enough to help me live in the moment.

When she nibbled my bottom lip, it snapped me into motion and I grabbed her face and began kissing her back, causing a moan to escape her. We kissed heavily before I started to nip along her jawline to suck on her earlobe. She tasted sweet, almost too sweet.

"Oh god…" she groaned, shoving me back against the massive trunk and straddling me. "That's right, Eddie, relax." She panted, before bringing her lips back to mine.

I pulled her closer to me, causing her already wet center to collide with my crotch. My dick hardened instantly, causing me to growl into her mouth. She answered by shifting on top of me, making it almost unbearable in a wonderful way.

I needed to be inside her.

I trailed my hands down her body till they came in contact with her firm buttocks and began to move her against my crotch as she nibbled my neck.

"Let's go back to my house, everyone's out hunting." She breathed heavily against my neck, before reaching down and grabbing my dick through my jeans, making it twitch in agony, and running off.

I quickly dropped from the tree, landing silently in the underbrush before catching her scent and following it.

I wasn't sure what had gotten into me, but all I could think about was her scent enveloping me as I drove inside her. Something in the back of my mind was starting to nag me, giving me the feeling that I was doing the wrong thing, that there was something I was supposed to be doing. I shook it off—it was time I went with my instincts.

I heard her laughter trailing behind her, its carefree notes dancing with the wind. I growled after her, "you can't run, Tanya, I'll find you." She was pretty fast, but I was faster and soon I was right behind her. I grabbed her and slung her over my shoulder causing her to yelp in surprise and ran into her house up to her room.

When I got there, I threw her onto her bed and landed on top of her, starting back up where we had left off. I ran my hand up her bare leg, slowly, teasing her, tickling her inner thigh. Her back arched off the bed as she fisted my shirt in her hand.

I guess she liked it.

When my fingers reached the lacy fabric of her panties, I paused. I wasn't sure what I was doing.

Noticing my nervousness, she looked me in the eyes and moaned. "Just go with how you feel Edward. What your _body_ tells you to do." As if urging me on, she scooted closer to me, till her crotch was touching my hand.

That nagging feeling returned and I sat there scared. I'd never done this before in my life, how could she expect me to know? She leaned up on her elbows, likely wondering what the hell I was doing and sighed. "Never leave a man to do women's work."

*s*

"I'll bet I was better than your precious Bella." She giggled, rolling over to gaze at me.

That sobered me up quickly. "What did you just say?"

She snorted. "You heard me, Eddie." Her mind was swimming with contempt for Bella.

Bella.

I'd completely forgotten about Bella. My long dead heart ached at the thought.

_What have I done?_

Had I completely lost my sanity?

"Why do you look like I just killed your puppy? It's not like it matters, you left her anyway." She scooted over and reached up towards my face, but I slapped it away.

"Don't touch me, you whore!" I was disgusted. Not only with myself, but with her as well. This whole thing had been a grave mistake. I couldn't believe I'd let myself do such a thing, I had been saving myself for Bella.

_Yeah, but you left her._

_That's a mistake I'll have to rectify. _

I got up off the bed and got dressed quickly.

I heard her sigh in annoyance, I didn't care why, I was staying out of her head. "Where do you think _you're_ going?"

"Home, Tanya. I made a mistake coming here." I looked up to say goodbye but was interrupted.

"What! You mean to say that _this,_" She motioned between us, "was a mistake?" She was in hysterics.

I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Tanya, I didn't come here for you, I ran away because I needed to get my thoughts together. Not create more problems for myself."

She got up off the bed and stormed towards me. "How _dare_ you, Edward Cullen!" She slapped me hard across my face.

I let that one slide. "How dare I _what_, Tanya? You're the one that seduced me!" I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of knowing she'd also tarnished my virtue as well.

Sensing that she had nothing to go on, she screamed and pushed me through the window. I quickly flipped over and landed softly on my feet before standing up to growl in her direction. I heard her scream and I watched as a Ming vase flew past my head. She was a terrible shot.

Before anything else could happen, I turned and ran into the surrounding hills in search of sustenance. Before long, I caught the scent of a herd of moose and honed in, finding them near a small brook. It was a family—a male, female and two babies. The male was closer, so I crouched and went in for the kill, crumpling him to the ground. The rest of the family scurried off into the Alaskan wilderness as I sunk my teeth into his massive neck and slowly drew the sweet nectar from his body.

I closed my eyes as I filled myself, clearing my mind of all the chaos until the one thing that was most important to me made itself clear.

Bella.

She was most definitely not healthy, or living well, the exact opposite of what I had wanted for her.

_What the hell had I done?_

Why wasn't someone there, taking care of her? Looking out for her?

Why wasn't I there trying to save here instead of running off like a scared piece of shit?

That was the better question.

If I loved her, I would have been there. But no, I had my head up my ass and thought I was doing the right thing.

I had no idea how much time had passed since I saw here in that strip club, but it was about time I got home and started proving myself as a man.

I loved her damn it, and it was time I proved it.

Just then, my phone began ringing and I pulled it out to find Carlisle calling. "Carlisle…"

"_There's been a problem, son, you need to get home. Now."_

His tone was strict, no nonsense. "A problem? What do you mean?"

He sighed impatiently before answering. _"I'm not going to go into the details right now, just get yourself home as quickly as possible. I mean it, Edward. I'm fed up with your cowardice. Come home."_

The phone went dead immediately after that and I went into a panic.

_What the hell was going on?_

I dropped the moose and ran at full speed towards Seattle.

*s*

I was nearing the house, the dense forest feeling almost claustrophobic to me. I was prolonging the inevitable; I had no desire to face my family, I was too ashamed. As I got closer, circling the house, the tenor of thoughts coming from inside was too frantic to get anything coherent.

"_Son…" _I heard Carlisle's voice in my head and I froze in my tracks, looking around for him.

He stepped out from behind a tree a dozen yards away, as if guarding the house. He stood in parade rest, his face pulled into a scowl; his eyes burning holes through me.

I couldn't look at him.

I ran my hand through my hair, pacing around like a troubled teen who knows he did something wrong. This was my father, for all intents and purposes, but I looked up to him. He forgave me for all my mistakes in the past, but I was terrified.

What if this was the one thing he couldn't forgive?

He hadn't said another word since he made his presence known and it was driving me insane. The worst part of it was that his mind was locked tight from me. I had no idea which way this could go.

"Son…" it was verbal this time. "As I told you on the phone, there's been a situation—"

My eyes snapped up to his, halting my pacing. "What kind of situation, Carlisle?"

He sighed heavily, breaking his stance and walked slowly towards me. "If you would let me finish..." He huffed impatiently, visibly changing his mind. "The situation's contained, so it's not pressing."

He stopped when he was a few steps away. "Edward, I've been quiet about your actions all year, but I can't just sit around and not say anything anymore."

"Carlisle, I—"I stammered.

He cut me off growling. "No, Edward, I won't stand for it anymore!" The fire was back in his eyes. I'd never, in all of my existence, seen him this way. I had really fucked everything up.

"What you did…what you _made_ us do, was the most selfish thing you have ever done and I've had it!" He stepped towards my frozen frame and got into my face, seething. "Bella was family, Edward! I considered her my daughter, and you took her from me! Did you ever stop to think about anyone else but yourself? Look at Esme, she lost a daughter because of you! The family is almost in complete disrepair, all... All because of your actions."

He started pacing; his anger imminent and I could do nothing but stand there and take it.

I deserved it and more.

"It didn't have to be like this, son. If you had just taken a step back to see the bigger picture... If you had spoken to me, we could be happy. All of us."

He stopped and looked up at me. "Why? Why did you do it?"

My eyes widened as I realized he expected me to answer. I opened my mouth, but the words caught in my throat. "Father, I-"

"Answer me!" He spat, the growl in his chest rumbling once more.

I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. "Be-because... I wanted her to live a normal life." I sighed, resigned.

"You call this normal?" His mind opened up to me and unleashed a horrible yet familiar sight, crippling me. The mere sight of Bella battered, bruised, and in a hospital bed sent me crumbling to the forest floor.

"No..." I whispered, more to myself in disbelief, but he took it as an answer to his question.

He chuckled sardonically. "She was safer with us, Edward, than what has her now. I hope you're satisfied."

I stayed there, pulling my knees to my chest and covering my face with my hands in devastation. His mind was like a safe, there was no way I was getting any information without asking. "What has her, Carlisle? What do you mean?"

He was on me then, slamming my head into the ground with a resounding bang. A flock of birds squawked angrily as they flew away. His growling was harsher now, his teeth bared. "Does it even matter?" He flashed more images of Bella laying in the bed, hands fisted in the sheets as she writhed in a horrific nightmare. "You need to clean up your God damn messes, son. I can't do this for you, it's time you grow up and act like an adult. You've lived long enough to have some common sense, use it!"

He was gone then, leaving me shaking on the ground with tearless sobs. The images he'd shown me were on a constant replay in my mind, torturing me and slicing my long dead heart to pieces. I needed to get her back; there was no other solution in my mind that came close.

**AN: *giggles* I love me some Angry Ass-Kicking Carlisle. I must write more ;) And before you burn me at the stake for Tanya… yeah, I really have nothing to defend his dealings with the skank but my evil streak ;)**

**Come tweet me! xGlitterBabyx**

**And if you'd like, visit the forum: bit (dot ) ly ( slash ) gmdhMm**


	8. That's What I Get

_**AN:**_

_**I'm baaaaaaaaaaack! And in shorter time, no less! **_

_**Thank you to the quick temp betaing, xrxdanixrx did for me! I'd wanted this ch out last week, shit happens.**_

_**Thank you to mu amazing pre-readers MimiLove4Ever, ohmyitsv and Jen for being friggin amazing and supportive! And thank you to my #writealong gals Kaghan Hanyou and FigSk8ingAngel for the pushin and cheerin!**_

I didn't know how long I'd been laying there on the forest floor, wallowing in the guilt and anguish at what Carlisle had shown me. I couldn't keep laying here, I had to find her. I had to make this right. Sighing, I rolled over slowly and pushed myself off the ground, this wasn't going to be easy in the slightest.

I walked at a slow human pace towards the house so I could conjure up a plan of action. I figured my best chance was to go back to the club to show her I was there, and then wait for her afterwards. If I went to the hospital, I could possibly make her current condition worse. She needed to be healthy.

"_She's not going to be back to work until Friday, Edward." _I heard Alice's thoughts as I neared the house.

"And that would be how long from now, Alice?" I didn't want to wait any longer.

She was before me in an instant. "Four days, it's Monday, now. But I agree that you should wait until she's out of the hospital."

Four days? God knows what could happen between now and then! "Alice, I can't sit around and wait for four days!"

"You're going to have to, or risk hurting her." Her nose wrinkled up. "Edward, you need to shower, I can smell Tanya all over you and it's making me want to vomit." She shot a glare at me, mentally scolding me for not saving myself for Bella.

"I really had no choice, I wasn't thinking straight and she…came on really strong." I grimaced at the memory.

_Well if __**that**__ wasn't the lamest excuse of the century, I don't know what is._

_Shut up._

"Whatever, Edward. You can't take anything back, so just salvage what you can." She turned and walked into the house and I followed her inside.

The house was unusually quiet and it set me on edge. "Where is everyone?"

She turned to face me, her arms crossed over her chest. "They don't want to be around you right now. As far as they're concerned, you aren't a part of this family at the moment. Yes, even Esme and Rose. You really screwed up, Edward."

I hung my head. It seemed as though I couldn't sink any further. "Well, I plan on amending my screw-ups. You've seen I have a plan set, not in concrete, but at least it's something."

"Yes, it's something." She just stared at me unimpressed, flashing my plan back at me and showing me the outcome.

Bella running away.

I wasn't going to be able to do this alone.

"Alice? I need help." I pleaded with my eyes.

She walked to the door, pausing before running out. "Ask him yourself, Edward. It should work."

I took my phone out and flipped it open, hitting speed dial. It rang a couple times before it picked up. "Whatcha want, bro?" He sounded annoyed, reluctant and pissed off.

"Jazz, I need your help, I can't… I shouldn't do this alone." I begged, pacing back and forth in the expansive living room. I heard him sigh and begin to walk around; I waited as patiently as I could.

He sighed again. "Carlisle's right, you started this mess. It's time you start cleaning up yer own messes."

"I'm not asking you to clean up my mess, I… I'm going to take care of it. I have a plan, but the only way it'll work, is if you come with me. If I approach her alone, she'll run, freak out… she could get hurt. I need you to gauge her reactions and keep things, rather me, in control." I paused for a second. "I need you to keep _me_ in control. I don't want to hurt her." I held my breath, waiting for his answer.

_What if he said no?_

_You'd deserve it._

There was no denying that.

After a moment, he sighed. "Alright, Edward. But get one thing straight, I'm not doin' this fer _you._ I'm doin' this fer the family. I'll be home in a couple hours." The phone went dead.

*s*

He sighed, scratching the back of his neck. "Edward, she got checked out today."

_What?_

I shot up out of my seat and was at the door in an instant.

"Edward, wait. You need to wait. She's still not strong enough for…" _you_, was his unfinished thought.

That halted my movements. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the door. "Carlisle, I have to see her…"

"You can wait. Wait until she's coherent enough to realize what's happening." That caught my interest.

"What do you mean? What _happened_ to her?" I turned to face him.

He sighed. "It isn't in either of your best interests for me to say at this time." He shot me a look that basically said "don't fuck with me." I had no plans to, considering our last encounter.

"Just wait a couple more days, like Alice said. She'll be back to work; you and Jasper can approach her then." He frowned. "Please, son, don't be an idiot this time."

I nodded and walked out of his office and down the stairs to find Jazz on the couch with his legs and arms crossed and his face in a deep frown. He wasn't happy with me in the slightest. Can't say I blamed him.

"Now you listen, and listen good, Edward. Like I said on the phone, I'm not doin' this fer you. And quite honestly, I should just let her run away from you and not help you. But, because she's my sister and belongs in this family, I'll tag along. It ain't gonna be easy, that's for damn sure. I'll reckon she hates us all, I mean, we didn't say no when you told us to leave." He got up and headed toward the stairs, but paused. "And fer God's sake, go hunt."

*s*

Friday at last. The past couple days had been torture; well it was still torture, because I had to wait until the club opened at eight to see her. I chuckled as a strange wave of déjà vu hit me. I found it ironic that the club was also named Déjà Vu.

We pulled up a few blocks down from the club and parked. I needed a few minutes to ready myself.

"Ok, let's go now, before I change my mind." Jasper groaned as he got out and started walking. I got out and followed, wondering what exactly I was going to do.

We pushed through the crowd so we could get seats near the back this time, as I didn't want to startle her. People were still milling around and I fidgeted in my seat, I'd never been this nervous in my life and it was driving me insane.

"I'll be right back." Jasper stated before disappearing into the crowd.

I sighed. I hated waiting.

Finally the announcer started calling out the names of the "dancers" as the loud, provocative music started playing.

"And finally, the return of Venom in all her deadly glory!" He shouted, and the crowd began cheering as she came out on stage. She was a sight to behold, wearing a black rhinestone studded leather bustier, with a and black lace thong, knee high black leather heels and silver strands of fabric hanging from her tousled hair. As my eyes trailed over her body, I stiffened as I noticed two things.

One, there were two bite marks on her neck to portray the myth that vampires had fangs, and two, her eyes. She was wearing red contacts. Coupled with her ghostly pale skin, it was almost as if she were one of us.

She had never been sexier.

In that moment I wanted nothing more than to change her and have her in my arms. I wanted her safe and healthy. I wanted her love.

When she reached the center pole, she grabbed on with one hand and swung around, flying spread-eagle before wrapping both legs around the pole, causing her to spin faster before stopping halfway up the long silver shaft. Her back was facing us, and I could hear the intrigue from the other patrons as they wondered what she'd do next. It was excruciating listening to their foul thoughts towards her, and I was slightly disgusted with my own from seeing her bare backside barely covered in lace. As if to further the torture, she began to swivel her hips around, before shifting to hang upside-down.

God she was breathtaking.

My pants tightened again as she started her sultry dance with the pole and I regretted every second that I had been with Tanya. Though it definitely had its perks, at least I knew what I was doing now.

_Cart before the horse, much? Let's just focus on approaching her first before you imagine sleeping with her._

Fucking sub-conscious.

I sighed and continued watching her. She was so graceful and confidant in her ability to seduce, a tigress that I'd never imagined. I'd definitely underestimated her before. It was as if the world was smacking me in the face.

She was born to be one of us.

Out of the corner of my eye, Jazz nodded. _"You're damn right, Edward, glad to hear you finally came to that conclusion."_

I groaned, "Yeah, well, shove it, Jasper. No more "shoulda woulda coulda." I'm done with that, I'm focusing on the future. I just hope the damage I caused is reversible…" I trailed off as I began to panic.

_What if she didn't want me?_

_What if she didn't remember me?_

_What if…?_

"_Knock it the fuck off, Edward."_ I calmed instantly as he shot a wave of peace my way.

I nodded in thanks.

The announcer came back on over the PA. "Alright, boys and girls, its Ladies' Choice tonight! That means our gorgeous ladies dancing for you will choose a lucky guy, or girl, in the audience for a lap dance!" The crowd cheered and moaned, and I heard Jasper chuckle. I shot him a look and he just waved me off, his mind reciting the song _Good Ol' Rebel Soldier_ in Latin.

_Oh this can't be good._

The "dancers" one by one, slinked off the stage as if stalking their prey. I watched as Bella eyed the patrons, searching for the one she wanted. Instantly I became incensed, the fact that she would give _anyone_ a lap dance was unthinkable!

"_Calm down, Edward, it's in her job description." _Jazz stated.

He was right.

Her eyes swept in our direction and froze for an instant, before she smirked and began sauntering her way toward us. She stopped directly in front of me and I swallowed thickly.

_This isn't happening. Someone pinch me, it can't be this easy._

I heard Jasper snicker once more as he opened his mind towards me.

He'd purchased this one specifically for me.

The ass.

I couldn't find it in myself to hate him at that moment.

I looked up into her bright red eyes, but before I could muster the courage to say anything, she spoke. "I hear it's someone's big day." She purred, winking at me.

"_I told them it was your birthday, so roll with it."_ Jazz said.

I smirked. "You could say that." I used my best dazzling voice and her eyes unfocused for a brief second before she shook herself into control.

She placed her hand on my shoulder, and pushed me back further in the seat as she crawled on top to straddle me. "Enjoy the ride." She breathed before she started grinding on top of me.

I had to control my hands from trailing up her body, to on her perfect breasts. Didn't want to break the rules.

She moaned as she threw her head back and then drew her eyes back to my face, fire lighting inside. "Someone's a big boy. I _love_ big boys." She bit her lip and continued her motions.

Heaven. I was most definitely in some fucked up kind of heaven.

Before I could stop myself, I moaned. "Oh, Bella…."

She froze, her face frozen in shock, mirroring my own. Jasper froze as well, reacting to our shock, no doubt.

"How…how do you know my name?" She panted?

_What the hell?_

Suddenly there was a commotion at the entrance to the club, someone shouting obscenities and arguing with the bouncer, no doubt.

"Let me the fuck through! She's _mine_, asshole, I'll see her if I damn well want!" His voice sounded familiar.

"You aren't allowed here, sir." A second voice said trying to sound polite but failing altogether. "The owner had you banned."

"Fuck you!" He was clearly drunk, but I was shocked when I saw Bella in his thoughts. Images of them in bed together, thoughts about him wanting to be inside her, fucking her senseless.

_What the fuck?_

The next thing that happened was the crowd at the front rushing toward the stage and the most unexpected person staggered to a halt.

_Newton?_

My anger flared instantly as I heard his outward thought.

"Cullen? What the fuck are you doing to _my_ girlfriend?" He shouted. The entire club went silent, the music shut off and countless pairs of eyes focused on us.

Everything happened in slow motion at that point. Bella gasped and scrambled off my lap staring at me with a frightened look on her face. Unfortunately in her haste, she'd walked herself toward Mike who then grabbed her roughly by the arm and pulled her behind him. This pissed me off even more and I lunged towards Mike growling before I felt myself being pulled back by Jasper.

"_Not here, man, don't reveal us!" _He mentally yelled at me.

Bella screamed and ran away through the crowd, I heard Pete come to her aid and was thankful she had someone I knew I could trust to help her. In my state, I wouldn't be the safest choice for her and it killed me to admit it.

A large Emmett-sized black man pushed through and glared at us. "We do not tolerate any of this kind of behavior here, now get your asses outside!" he pointed at the door.

I grabbed Mike by his arm and it took all the restraint I had to not run out of there at top speed and scare the humans.

"_Edward, where are you going?" _Jazz panicked, trying to go after me.

"Let me go, you asshole!" Mike demanded.

I chuckled maliciously. "Oh I will…" the second we got outside I ran to the nearest alley and threw him up against the wall and pinned him there, causing him to yelp in fright.

_Wuss._

I growled at him. "What the fuck have you done to her, Newton? She's sick and hurt, can't you see that?" I banged his head against the brick.

"Hey, fuck you, Cullen. I'm not the one who left her for dead! She _came_ that way!" He spat in my face.

I breathed for a second, swallowing the venom pooling in my mouth. His words definitely struck a chord, a very angry one. "Sloppy seconds your style?" I laughed, "Well, I can take you off the menu."

"Wh-... What the fuck does that mean?" He started fighting my restraint; he actually had the nerve to look scared before he turned defiant once again. "Well she's mine, now, asswipe. Let me go!"

That was the last straw. I felt the last thread of sanity holding me back break as I bared my teeth and went in to kill him. Before I could sink in, a blood curdling scream echoed off the walls of the alley, and we both whipped our heads towards the noise.

Bella was standing at the end of the alley with a terrified look on her face. She'd seen the entire exchange, and was now witnessing me attempt murder on her… _boyfriend._

She brought her hand up to her mouth as she frowned and I could hear the faintest whisper come from her lips. It nearly killed me.

"He's…real?"

_**AN:**_

_***Gasp* what on earth could be going on in her mind now? She must be scared shitless, I know I would be…Thoughts? Mike thinks he's so tough, lol. Yeah, right! And for those of you out there still seeking revenge on Mike, don't worry. His comeuppance is coming!**_

_**Come tweet me! xGlitterBabyx**_

_**And if you'd like, visit the forum: bit (dot ) ly ( slash ) gmdhMm**_

_**And for those of you waiting for an update for this one, I have another story for you to try. It just has one chapter so far, but I am currently writing the next one. If it's not your style, I won't be offended, cause it's not mine either... but this bunny attacked me and wouldn't let go *cackles* "It's just a bunny…" – Monty Python.**_

_**It's called For Your Entertainment and is an Edward/Other Character slash-fic. It's all sorts of hot and heavy! **_

_**Bit ( dot ) ly ( slash ) gZiBtc**_

_**So, please, please, please, review and check out that fic! I love you all!**_


	9. Leaving Hope

_**AN: Ok guys, here's ch 8! Sorry for the wait, I wanted this just right. I hope I did well. Just reading this over, I needed a box of tissues, so prepare yourselves. **_

_**I want to thank all of you to read and review. You guys are just AMAZING! Please don't stop! We're almost to 300 reviews, so pimp this baby! ;) **_

_**Special thanks to my #writealong crew on twitter! SirenSongx and FigSk8ingAngel! Love you girls!**_

_**Thank you to my amahzing beta Octoberland13!**_

_**Super love to my sisters MimiLove4Ever and OhMyItsV for just being amazing and pre-reading this monster ;)**_

I saw everyone converging around the entrance, signaling that the fight had taken itself outside. I was still reeling that Mike had mentioned the name I'd forbidden myself to think about for over a year. I was suddenly worried, I hoped Mike wouldn't do anything stupid to the guy; he was already in enough trouble.

I grabbed the robe Pete had given me to cover up with closer to my thin frame and bolted for the door, shoving people out of my way. I needed to make sure everything was ok. I heard scuffling around the corner in the alleyway and turned towards it stopping at the sight before me.

It was _him._ No, it couldn't be, I was hallucinating yet again.

"Hey, fuck you, Cullen. I'm not the one who left her for dead! She _came_ that way!" Mike spat in the stranger's face. He'd called him…_Cullen_…yet again. Why? I stood there trying to figure it out when I saw the taller man bare his teeth and go in for Mike's throat.

Everything came crashing down on me then. No _human_ would do that, not in their right mind at least. I suddenly heard an ear piercing scream from somewhere, before my hand came to my mouth, cutting off the sound.

"He's real?" I silently asked.

They both whipped their heads in my direction and I noticed Edward's eyes were wide with shock. "Bella, of course I'm real…-"

Mike pushed away from Edward, using the distraction to his benefit and walked towards me. "Bella, are you delusional? Oh, wait; I forgot who I was talking about." He snorted, shaking his head. "You know, I always knew you'd go back to him no matter what. I shouldn't really be surprised." He sneered, and Edward growled, no doubt in reaction to his thoughts. He got right in my face then. "Go home, you whore, I'll deal with you later." He backhanded me and I flew headfirst into the wall, and I felt the blood trickle down my face mixing with the tears caused by the pain.

Perfect.

I heard frantic growling and looked through my blurred vision to see Edward consumed by fury, trying to hold onto his sanity, while clutching Mike by his neck and squeezing. Mike was trying to shout back, but nothing came out.

I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. I didn't know if I should be scared or joyful for anything that was going on. I still wasn't too sure what was _really_ going on.

I watched as Mike was scratching at the granite hand around his neck, and Edward punched him in the jaw, probably breaking it and I saw blood pour out of his mouth. I wanted to throw up, this was becoming too much.

As if to make it worse, something blurred by me and stopped next to Mike and Edward and the growling resumed joined by Mike's cries for help.

Still, I felt nothing.

I turned towards the wall where I was lying and threw up what little had been in my stomach and felt cold hands on my forehead and back. Oh no, nononono. That just made it become more real. I didn't know if I wanted this. It was then I realized I was shaking.

It was about time I went into shock.

"Bella, you ok?" It was….Jasper? What was _he _doing here?

I turned my head slowly to look into his deep, golden eyes that were filled with fear and love. Was it really him? I tried to speak but nothing came out, my throat torn up from screaming and being sick.

"Don't talk, Bella, it's ok…everything's going to be ok." He tried picking me up but I refused, pushing him off of me. He looked at me with confusion. "Bella, don't you trust me? It's Jasper, it's me."

I felt a rush of love and calm envelop my body and I gasped. "J-Jasper?" I looked at him again, _really_ looked at him.

It _was_ him.

He smiled and I lunged at him, clutching him to my body and started crying. "Shh, darlin' it's ok."

We sat there in the dark and dirty alley for what felt like hours, as the sobs wracked my body, before I started to come back around and I heard voices. "Where is she? Bella?"

Kris?

"Bells, who's that?" Jasper whispered in my ear.

I sat up, clearing my head. "It's Kris, Pete's wife." I turned towards the end of the alley and called for her. "I'm here, Kris, I'm ok."

She came running around the corner and upon seeing me, went into hysterics, crouching in front of us. "Ohmygod, Bella, what the _hell_ happened? I only heard from Pete that Mike got in and started a fight with some guy he apparently knew…" She trailed off as she noticed I was still embraced by Jasper. "This him?"

Jasper cleared his throat. "No, ma'am, I'm a close friend of Bella's, and the brother of the guy in question." He tried to stand us up, but my death grip on his shirt prevented him from doing so, making him send a wave of calm over me. It didn't help.

Kris nodded, assessing the situation. "Where'd they go?"

Jazz stiffened before answering. "I honestly have no idea, I ran after them, following Bella, but they were already gone by the time I caught up with Bells." I cringed and he held me closer.

She stood up. "Well, to be honest, whatever happens to that sorry excuse of a man Bella calls a boyfriend had it coming to him. Especially with what he-"

"Kris, please…" I cut her off, Jazz didn't need to know.

She shot me a look of pity. "Ok, Bells, not my tale to tell, I get it." She held her hand out. "C'mon, let's go back to my place and I'll get you cleaned up."

I bit my lip and huddled closer to Jazz. "Uhh, Ma'am, if ya don't mind, I'd like to take her back to my parents' house. My father is a doctor."

I shot him a disbelieving look. Did he just say he'd take me to Carlisle? Are they _all_ back?

"You'll be alright, Bella, promise." He whispered.

Convinced, Kris nodded. "Good, I bet he'd take better care of her than me n Pete could. Just get her in running order. Oh, and Bella?"

I looked at her, confusion written on my face. "Yeah?"

"Take all the time you need to heal, ok? Pete n I'll pay you leave." She smiled.

"No, Kris, It's-" She cut me off with a fierce look.

"Don't argue, besides you know Pete would do it anyway." She winked and began to walk away.

Jazz picked me up and held me tight. "Come on, Bella, let's get you taken care of." I shut my eyes as he began to run, the familiar speed and exhaustion from the events, lulling me to sleep.

*s*

I groaned as I started to come to, my body feeling heavy and sluggish as I tried to roll over and figure out where I was. I was hearing hushed whispers somewhere close by, and I had a sneaking suspicion that they were about me. What had happened?

I tried to remember back, but the only thing I could remember was going to work the night before and giving some poor Joe a lap dance. Everything after that was foggy and gave me a headache.

I huffed and opened my eyes, startled at the fact that I wasn't in my apartment.

_Where the hell am I? Oh god, what did I do last night?_

"Quiet, she's awake!" I heard a small voice come from behind the closed door. It sounded strangely familiar.

The door opened again, and I had to blink and rub my eyes because of what it revealed.

_This couldn't be happening._

"Bella, how are you doing?" The smooth voice asked, as cool hands ghosted over my forehead and wrists.

_Ah fuck, make it go away. _

I rolled over and pulled the pillow over my head, curling into a tight ball, and groaned. "Bella? Make _what_ go away?"

Had I actually said that out loud? Well for the sake of my slipping sanity, I decided to answer. "You, Carlisle. You're not real, you're just a figment of my imagination." I heard him scoff and I added under my breath, "Guess the coke wore off."

I heard a collective gasp and a few growls. "What was that, Bella?"

Well as long as he was staying, I decided I'd let it all out. I took the pillow off my face and sat up slowly, slightly dizzy and suffering from withdrawals and faced him with a glare. "You _really_ wanna know, _Carlisle_? Really! You and your family ruined my _life_ back in high school, it wasn't until it was too late that I realized you were never real, that I had imagined _everything_!" I was screaming now, causing him to flinch ever so slightly.

I got up off the bed and stalked toward him, it felt good to get it off my chest, rant to my imagination. "By the time I _woke up_, I saw I had no friends, Charlie hated me and none of you existed. No one spoke your name, they didn't know who you _were. _I'd completely made you up to ease the monotony of small town life, and look where it got me! My relationship is nothing to _ever _be desired, Mike barely takes care of me, hell, look at the bruises he gives me!"

I was in his face now, the look on his features one of terror. "But he's all I have, and he gives me shelter. Besides," I chuckled humorlessly, "who'd want 'crazy Bella Swan' anyway? And to top it all off, I'm a stripper. The only way to cope with that and these hallucinations of _you,_" I waved my hands around to indicate I was talking about his family, "was to find something that numbed that part of my brain and make you go away, so I began using."

Defeated I slumped to the ground and began crying. "This is not how my life was supposed to go…" I sobbed. Cold, marble arms wrapped around me and picked me up and placed me back on the bed. "Why did I have to imagine you in the first place?"

He began shushing me. "Bella, Bella… oh my sweet Bella, what have I done?" I felt him start rocking me back and forth, and I felt his shoulders shake with silent sobs.

Why would he be crying?

I choked back my sobs, blinking away the tears and gazed up into his black eyes as he brushed my hair out of my face.

His eyes were black?

My hallucinations were usually better fed than this.

He gazed down into my eyes and I saw great sadness there. "Bella, honey, I…" He sighed and closed his eyes, still shaking with sobs. "I hate myself so much for giving in to Edward's wishes and leaving you. If I had known that _this_ would happen to you, I would have _never_ left you behind!"

He hugged me tighter and continued. "Edward is so pigheaded sometimes. I raised him better than that, but he thinks he knows best. I listened, because he was my 'firstborn', but I see now where that's gotten all of us. You are forever my daughter, Bella, I won't leave you again."

What the _hell_ was he talking about?

My confusion must have shown on my face because he began talking again. "Sweetheart, I'm real, we _all _are…"

I scoffed and shook my head in disbelief, looking away. This was all becoming too bizarre and a familiar throbbing was starting to rip through my chest and I began shaking violently. He took my chin and forced me to look at him once more, and it took everything I could muster to not collapse.

"Bella, I promise you I'm telling the truth." I bit my lip to keep from screaming, but the tears I could not hold back. "What can I do to make you believe?"

The door opened and I heard someone walk in silently and I turned around. The entire family, minus one, was assembled near the entrance to the room all looking somber.

Even Rosalie.

She was the first to speak as she walked forward. "Bella, I apologize for how I treated you and I know that doesn't even begin to make up for it. I wish things had gone differently, but I see now that I'd made a mistake. I hope one day you can forgive me and I fully accept you as my sister. I see the consequences of not, and I want to rectify them." She kissed me on my cheek and hugged me close.

She smelled so real and I began crying all over again.

Alice pushed her out of the way and pulled me close. "Oh god, Bella, I wish I'd seen all this happening. I knew when Edward asked me to stop looking for you, it was a bad idea. Damn him, I'll never listen to him again!"

All of a sudden everything from the night before came crashing down on me and I gasped, jolting out of their grasp and back into the wall. This was all too much and I noticed Jasper flinch. I couldn't take it, so I pushed through them and ran.

Faintly I heard Carlisle tell them to stay back and let me go, I needed time.

I needed more than that.

"Bella!" I heard Alice yell and I spun around to find her right in front of me and I jumped, startled by her sudden appearance. She reached out and dangled a set of keys in front of me. "Take Carlisle's Mercedes and turn left out of our driveway to head to town."

I could only nod as I took the keys and fled out the door.

*s*

I sped down the highway, away from whatever that was behind me. I had to clear my head, and I had only one way of doing that.

It took me a bit to remember what street we lived on, but I finally found the decrepit apartment complex and ran hastily up the stairs. I hoped Mike wasn't home, I could only imagine what he'd do to me.

Reaching our landing, I realized I didn't have my key; I must have left it at the club.

Shit.

I checked the door and surprisingly it was open. Mike had probably forgotten to lock it in his drunken stupor the night before; either that or he was home.

Slowly opening the door, I saw the lights were off and heaved a sigh of relief. He wasn't home. I slammed the door behind me and ran to the closet and rummaged around for what I needed to make all this go away.

Granted, if all that had just happened were in fact real, I had to be careful about my decisions or that brat of a pixie would stop me. So as far as I was concerned, I was just going for a drive and a walk.

Yeah, that's right.

I chuckled dryly to myself as I found my things and went to the fridge for something with a punch. Rum would have to do; Mike must have used up all the good stuff.

Bastard.

I placed all the stuff in my satchel and ran out the door and climbed in the black Mercedes. As I fled through the vacant streets of Seattle, I made my way towards the Sound.

Finding an empty spot, I parked overlooking the beautiful water that was reflecting the moon, sparkling as if to mock me. I kept my mind on taking a nap and pulled out the little baggie of coke and began preparing it. Snorting a couple lines and another for good measure, I then took a huge swig of the rum, nearly choking as it went down.

I waited a bit before I started to feel it kick in slowly and I snorted the last line just to round it off. Opening the door, I got out and stumbled away from Puget Sound, towards the highway and the overpass. Everything started to get blurry and I felt my heart pounding in my chest as the drugs were mixing with the alcohol.

I began muttering as I stumbled along, apologizing for not being good enough, and for pushing everyone away. My last thought as I threw myself over the barrier to the highway broke my heart.

"I will always love you."

_**AN: *cries* **_

_**Come find me on twitter: xGlitterBabyx**_

_**ALSO! A few of you have PMed, Emailed and Said in reviews asking me to not forget this fic! **_

_**? Thank you for loving this story and I love you all for it, but please be patient. I have real life goin on, I'm a dance teacher and have a few shows coming up. ALSO I have another Multi-Chap fic I'm updating as well as my Glambert!Fandom O/S's to work on. I work on whatever I get inspiration for and I take my time so each chap is up to snuff for my amazing readers! So please, hold off on making sure Striptease will be finished, because I WILL FINISH IT! I promise. I love this story as it's my "Firstborn", and I'll never forget it. **_

_**XOXOXO**_


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